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Tom Kauffman

16 quotesScreenwriter · Male

All Sex (3)Existence (2)Watching (2)party (2)Catchphrase (2)Siblings (1)Darkening (1)Drinking (1)Donut (1)Mating Season (1)tension (1)Symptom (1)Wrecked (1)Abraham Lincoln (1)Pope (1)

From “Anatomy Park”

Jerry: It sounds like you're about to say Jacob is your lover. Leonard Smith: No, no, no. Jacob is your mother's lover. I watch them. Sometimes from a chair, sometimes from a closet. Almost always dressed as Superman.

Lovers Parents Watching Sex Chair

Listen, if the situation keeps on darkening, then you gotta do yourself a favor and pop by Pirates Of The Pancreas. I mean, the top priority is to, you know, get you guys out of there, but, I mean, if that becomes impossible then you gotta treat yourself.

Treat Yourself situation Darkening Priorties

From “Rixty Minutes”

You're the little brother. You're not the cause of your parents' misery, you're just a symptom of it.

Brother Siblings Misery Symptom

Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV.

TV Existence Belonging Death

Beth: When two people create a life together, they set aside their previous lives as individuals. Jerry: Gimme a break! We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night.

Marriage Sex Unprotected Sex Prom Night

From “Ricksy Business”

Bird Person: Morty, do you know what wubba lubba dub dub means? Morty: Oh, that's just Rick's stupid nonsense catchphrase. Bird Person: It's not nonsense at all. In my people's tongue, it means, I am in great pain. Please help me.

Catchphrase Nonsense Pain Meaning

And this is why you don't invite a Floopy Doop and a Shmoopy Doop to the same party.

party Invitation tension

Rick: When's the last time you got laid, 'pers? Birdperson: It has been a... challenging mating season for Birdperson.

Laid Mating Mating Season Challenging

I love watching bukkake. I mean, like, I don't know if I would personally ever do it.

Porn Sex Sex Acts Watching

TO GET R*ugghhb*IGGITY RIGGITY WRECKED SOONN

Drinking party crazy Wrecked

It's not the same, Summer! Lincler's a crazed maniac. He's just a misguided effort of mine to create a morally neutral super-leader by combining the DNA of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln. Turns out that ehh-it just adds up to a lame, weird... loser.

Abraham Lincoln Adolf Hitler DNA Maniac Loser

From “Get Schwifty”

Get Schwifty.

Catchphrase

Morty: Can you fly a Black Hawk? Mr. President: Can the pope's **** fit through a donut? Morty: Eh... I'm not sure? Mr. President: Exactly!

Pope Dick Jokes Donut

Mr. President, if I've learned one thing today, it's that sometimes you have to not give a fuck!

Mr. President cool Learning

From “The Wedding Squanchers”

See? Our cup runneth over. Now, who wants to go shopping for a brand-new motherfuckin' world?! All right!

End of the World Shopping World

From “Rest and Ricklaxation”

Yeah motherfucker yeah get it get some, right up your fucking bitch ass you fuck! Guess who just discovered a new element! Think you could do that Morty? You think anyonne but me could do it ever in a billion years? Do you think if God existed he could do it? The answer is no. If God exists its…

Element God Existence

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