Unknown

1,631 quotes

“What is the difference between a dead baby and a granola bar? About 500 calories.”

“What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of sand? You can’t move a pile of sand with a pitchfork.”

“Why did the dead baby cross the road? Cuz it was stapled to the chicken.”

“What screams as it goes round and round? A baby on a spit roast.”

“What is the difference between a deer and a baby? I don’t have a deer head mounted above my mantle.”

“What do a dead baby’s head and a bottle cap have in common? They come off easier if you twist them.”

“What do babies and an Etch-A-Sketch have in common? If you don’t like how it looks, you can shake it until it goes away.”

“How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Depend on how good you are at stacking them.”

“How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends how high your ceiling is.”

“How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Couldn’t tell you. I have 50 in my basement, and the light is still out.”

“What is the worst part about killing a baby? Getting blood on your clown suit.”

“What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth? Your baby’s leg.”

“What’s the difference between 100 dead babies and a Ferrari? I don’t keep a Ferrari in my garage.”

“What’s the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup? The dead baby won’t stick to the roof of your mouth.”

“What’s the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker? You don’t get second looks when you’re writing with a felt tip marker!”

“What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.”

“What’s the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts? You can’t gargle gravel.”

“What do babies and baseballs have in common? The neighbor gets angry when you throw them through their window.”

“What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz? Twins in an acid bath.”

“What’s the difference between a soccer ball and a baby? I’ve never kicked a soccer ball over 50 yards.”