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1,631 quotes

“What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling? Mistletoad.”

“What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas? Unwrap.”

“What do you call a snowman that can walk? Snow-mobile.”

“What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad? A pineapple!”

“What’s Santa’s favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers.”

“Why does Santa always enter through the chimney? Because it soots him.”

“What do you get when you deep fry Santa? Crisp Cringle.”

“Why is Santa always cast as the lead in the local musical? Because he has such good presents.”

“Why is Santa so good at karate? Cause he’s got a black belt.”

“How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad.”

“Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no body to go with.”

“Why is Santa kind of scared of chimneys? Because he’s so claus-trophobic.”

“What part of the body do you only see around Christmas? The mistletoe. Where does mistletoe go to get famous? Holly-wood!”

“What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes or Ice Crispies.”

“Why do Christmas trees like the past so much? Because the present’s beneath them.”

“Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas? Because they’re shell-fish.”

“What do you call a cat on the beach on Christmas Day? Sandyclaws.”

“Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store? He was searching for some holiday spirit.”

“Where does Santa keep all his money? At the local snow bank.”

“What do elves learn in school? The elfa-bet.”