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30 Sinfully Hilarious Religious Jokes And Puns

by Unknown(30 total)

Why doesn’t God ever answer your emails? He’s more into knee-mail.

I’m a doctor and every time I perform a life-saving surgery, someone bursts into tears and shouts ‘Thank God!’ How Christian is it to take all the fucking credit?

— Unknown, tcat.tc

doctor Surgery Christian Religion

How many religious people does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just sit in the dark and demand you accept that the light is still on.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Lightbulbs Religion Light dark

Why did God make Adam before Eve? To give Adam a chance to speak.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God adam eve

Science flies people to the moon. Religion flies people into buildings.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Science Moon Religion

God impregnated a woman without her consent. Isn’t that kind of worse than rape?

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Pregnancy God Religion Rape

If God were a vehicle, what kind of vehicle would he be? An ice cream truck, because he brings joy to those who discover Him, but people who follow Him too closely are usually pedophiles.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God ice cream Pedophiles

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike, until I realized the Lord doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and asked Him to forgive me instead.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

prayer God

A friend of mine was a junkie until he found God. The day he overdosed, of course.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Junkie Overdose God

The first commandment states: ‘I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.’ But two of the seven deadly sins are vanity and envy. Fucking Hypocrite!

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Ten Commandments Envy Hypocrisy Seven Deadly Sins

What does God call his nose? God knows.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God Puns

Why did God make man before He made woman? Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God Religion Creation Advice

According to the Bible, God killed 2,391,421 people and Satan only killed 10. Anyone else think we might be following the wrong guy?

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Bible God satan

God used to create universes and flood the entire Earth. Now he appears on toast. Anyone else less than impressed with the Almighty’s recent behavior?

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God Universe

If God is everywhere always...he’s spending a lot of time hanging out in strip joints. Filthy bastard!

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God Strip Clubs Bastard

How do you teach a bunch of kids about God—who He is, and what He does? Gather them all in a classroom. Then never show up.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God Classroom Teachers Religion

I may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks I’m to die for.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

jesus Pun

If God really made everything....He’s Chinese, right?

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God Chinese Manufacturing

Why is it that when you talk to God, it’s called praying? Whenever God talks to me, they call it schizophrenia.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God prayer Schizophrenia

They say that when you die you become closer to God. Because you no longer fucking exist, right?

— Unknown, tcat.tc

God Death

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