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Kingpin

by Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Ernie McCracken, Bill Murray, Woody Harrelson and 68 others(26 total)

After bowler Roy Munson swindles the wrong crowd and is left with a hook for a hand, he settles into impoverished obscurity. That is, until he uncovers the next big thing: an Amish kid named Ishmael. So, the corrupt and the hopelessly naïve hit the circui

Characters

Mort Nathan (26)Barry Fanaro (26)Woody Harrelson (19)Roy Munson (19)Bill Murray (7)Ernie McCracken (7)

The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn’t kickin’ mine.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Kick Ass

Roy: What about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the novelty machine in the men’s room? I mean, those are fun even when you’re alone. Lancaster Bowl Manager: Yeah. Roy: You get it? Lancaster Bowl Manager: [impatiently, trying to read his Asian Brides magazine] Yeah! Roy: This is like the hula hoop…

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Bowling Alley fluorescent condoms Asian Brides novelty machine

Man in bowling alley: Come on, boy. Bowl! Roy: The name’s not boy. It’s Roy. [makes a spare] Roy Munson.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Bowling

Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don’t mow another guy’s lawn.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Piece of Shit coveting thy neighbor's wife

Ishmael: You been drinking, Mr. Munson? Roy: I don’t puke when I drink. I puke when I don’t.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Drinking puking

McKnight Bowl Bartender: So, you two are dictionary salesmen? Roy: You would be punctilious in assuming that.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Dictionary Punctilious

ESPN Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years? Roy: Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh...drinking. Lot a drinking. ESPN Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking? Roy: No. I uh...I put...uh...why, you buying?

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Alcoholism

That coffee wasn’t even hot. [takes a sip of coffee] Now, that’s hot.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Hot Coffee

Roy: Just because you’re familiar with the missionary position doesn’t make you a missionary. Claudia: Look, Mr. Munster, you’re not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across. Roy: Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

MIssionary Position missionary

Roy: [Whispering so as not to awake Claudia, whom he means to leave behind] Just be quiet. [as Ishmael whispers ‘okay,’ Roy trips and falls] Roy: Ooh! I think I tore my sac. Ishmael: [loudly] Are you okay, Mr. Munson? Roy: Shh! What did I just say? Ishmael: Uh, ‘I think I tore my sac’?

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

tiptoeing Slapstick

Mr. Boorg: How many children do you have, Brother Hezekiah? Roy: Uh, none that I know of. [Adopting a terrible Irish accent] What I mean to say is, I was, uh, wee, I’m unable to have children. Nasty cheese gratin’ accident as a young man.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Infertility

Neighbor: Roy, can you get sick drinkin’ piss? Roy: I think you can. Neighbor: Even if it’s your own?

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Urine Drinking Urine Piss

Ishmael: [after losing a game] Mr. Munson, you all right? Roy: [calmly] Ish, uh, what happened in there? Ishmael: Well, I don’t know. Um, I thought I played pretty good. Uh, he’s just a little better than me, that’s all. Roy: Pretty good, huh? 186. [loses his cool] Roy: You lost to a club player! Wh…

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Bowling Amish Quakers

Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I’ll lose my entire bonus check because I’m so bombed. McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale? Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Bowling Sniffing Glue Drunk Bombing

WHO YOU CALLIN’ A PSYCHO?

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

psycho

Ishmael: You really should try to quit, Mr. Munson. They say it’s bad for your heart, your lungs. It quickens the aging process. Roy: Is that right? Who’s done more research on the subject than the good people at the American tobacco industry? They say it’s harmless. Why would they lie? If you’re de…

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

smoking Tobacco Lungs heart

Bowling Priest: You see, bowling for money...that’s my only vice. Cocktail Waitress: Here’s your drink. Bowling Priest: Thanks, sugar. [takes drink from a double bourbon on the rocks and pats waitress’ behind] Okay, two vices. Ernie McCracken: That’s still very good.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Ernie McCracken, Bill Murray, imdb.com

Bowling Vice

Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Ernie McCracken, Bill Murray, imdb.com

Bowling Face the Music

Roy: Yeah, sure, Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split? Ishmael: God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It’s okay. Roy: Yeah, well, he blessed you, too, and I’ll give you a clue what it is. It’s round, it has three holes, and you stick your fingers into it. Ishmael: [He po…

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Bowling Future

Ishmael: Whatcha doin’, Mr. Munson? Roy: Flossin’. Ishmael: Flossin? Where’d I get ‘Munson’ from? Roy: The name is Munson, what I’m doin’ is flossin’, this is called floss, cleans your teeth, you oughta try it sometime.

— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, Roy Munson, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

flossin'

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