“Stan, can we stop by church on the way to breakfast? Before I take my first sip of O.J., I like to take a big gulp of Jesus.”Tagged: breakfast, Orange Juice, jesus, Church
“Oh, I tell a great story and I'm a liar, but Harry Potter does it and he's your favorite writer.”Tagged: Liar, Harry Potter, Favorite, writer, Story
“All I have to do is get married by next week and I can get my blender in time for Grey's Anatomy!”Tagged: married, Deadline, Blender, Grey's Anatomy
“Can you believe we're going to meet Denzel Washington! He's like Harrison Ford dipped in chocolate!”Tagged: Denzel Washington, Harrison Ford, chocolate
“You boys see these owls? Get out of here, owls! Stop pecking at my face! I will not buy your encyclopedias! I can't read your language, I can only speak it.”Tagged: Owls, Pecking, Encyclopedias, Read, face
“Doctor says I have a big, spongy cervix. Oh, listen to me bragging about my vagina. It's last week's PTA meeting all over again.”Tagged: Cervix, bragging, Vagina, PTA, doctor
“What, no way! Wait, why is this wrong? Next to 'Miranda Rights,' I wrote, 'Miranda has the right to a decent man who will help her raise her baby.' Are these questions not about Sex and the City?”Tagged: Miranda Rights, Law Enforcement, Sex And The City, Wrong, Confused
“Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it.”Tagged: Sex, Intimate, Gun, Clean, Steps
“Stan: 'Bros before hos,' Steve. Brothers before whores all day long! Steve: And Mom is the whore in that situation? Stan: All. Day. Long.”Tagged: Code, brothers, Men, Women, situation
“I just want to be as close to you as possible... Like John and Yoko... You're Yoko.”Tagged: close, John Lennon, Yoko Ono, Attached