“What an adventure gang, I thought the homosexuals were pirates. But it turns out they were actors in the local theatre!”— Mitchell Hurwitz, Tobias Fünke, David Cross, imdb.com
“Tobias: Quick question though am I being panicked about the fire or am I being brave for everyone else? Casting director: The fire? It's a fire sale. Tobias: Oh my god, we're having a fire.... sale. Oh the burning, it burns me. Evacuate all the school children.”— Mitchell Hurwitz, Tobias Fünke, David Cross, imdb.com
“In this business of show, you have to have the heart of an angel and the hide of an elephant.”— Mitchell Hurwitz, Tobias Fünke, David Cross, imdb.com
“This is my favorite part. This is where you hang yourself with your own tongue. So, please keep talking.”— Breen Frazier, Jennifer Jareau, A. J. Cook, imdb.com
“Tammy: Where's Tina? At home, crying into her butt? Tina: No. My butt is dry. And strong.”— Steven Davis, Kelvin Yu, Tina Belcher, Dan Mintz, imdb.com
“You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns, too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!”— Sera Gamble, Dean Winchester, Jensen Ackles, imdb.com
“You know who starts sentence with 'truth is'? Liars.”— Bill Coakley, Rachel Nave, Joe Whitetree, Jimmy Herman, imdb.com
“Sam: Just try to relax. Dean: Just try to shut up.”— Richard Hatem, Sam Winchester, Jared Padalecki, imdb.com
“Must be hard with your sense of direction—never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”— Sera Gamble, Raelle Tucker, Andrea Barr, Amy Acker, imdb.com
“Haley: Must you cheapen the moment? Dean: Yeah.”— Eric Kripke, Dean Winchester, Jensen Ackles, imdb.com
“Cheryl: Are you threatening me? Betty: This? No. This is fun girl talk.”— Michael Grassi, Cheryl Blossom, Madelaine Petsch, imdb.com
“I promised you an eternity of misery, so I'm just keeping my word.”— Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, Damon Salvatore, Ian Somerhalder, imdb.com
“I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death".”— Tim Minchin, goodreads.com
“Something is wrong with America. I wonder sometimes what people are thinking about or if they're thinking at all.”— Bob Dole, amazon.com
“You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”— Groucho Marx, quoteinvestigator.com
“The last thing this guy's qualified to give a tour of is reality.”— Spike Feresten, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com
“Sorry, poor people. I’m hoping for y’all, but y’all ain’t got no chance.”— Charles Barkley, ftw.usatoday.com
“Thank you … San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you … for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.”— Daniel Tosh, en.wikiquote.org