“Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing. That's great.”— Richard Appel, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“What? Gosh, it's not like the internet to go crazy about something small and stupid.”— Richard Appel, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Jeff: How's you huge vagina? Hayley: Oh, yerhujeva? She's good. She's back in Croatia for the winter with the rest of the Gina family.”— Alex Cuthbertson, Matt Fusfeld, Hayley Smith (voice), Rachael MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Randy: Hey! What did I tell you about using sarcasm, little lady? Kimmi: [boredly looking at her phone] That you don't know how to use it. Randy: Exactly!”— Jack Burditt, Kimmy Schmidt, Ellie Kemper, imdb.com
“Oh, hey, Nicole. How you doing? I thought the bleeding ulcers would have got you by now.”— David E Kelley, Billy McBride, Billy Bob Thornton, imdb.com
“[On life] Yes, it’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.”— Joss Whedon, Rupert Giles, Anthony Stewart Head, imdb.com
“Stiles: Could have been animal blood. You know, maybe you caught a rabbit or something. Scott: And did what? Stiles: Ate it. Scott: Raw? Stiles: No, you stopped to bake it in a little werewolf oven.”— Jeff Davis, Stiles Stilinski, Dylan O'Brien, imdb.com
“Stan: Dude, are you okay? Kyle: [sarcastically] Oh, I'm swell, Stan. I popped my hemorrhoid trying to climb the fence into Cartmanland and it got infected. I really need to go to the bathroom, but if I do, it will pop again and the pain will make me pass out. How are you?”— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com
“Brenda: Nate, I'm kidding, come on....Of course I want to be with you, I love you! Nate: Yeah? Well then why do you treat me like shit all the time? Brenda: Because I had a really fucked up life and I use sarcasm to hide how ridiculously vulnerable I really am... Hey, come on, Jesus, you know that.”— Scott Buck, Brenda Chenowith, Rachel Griffiths, imdb.com
“Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, AND FIRE OFF INTO JOBLAND, WHERE JOBS GROW ON JOBBIES?!!!”— Charlie Day, David Hornsby, Charlie Kelly, Charlie Day, imdb.com
“Elliot: Carla, if your wedding ceremony's gonna be in Spanish, how will I know that you're officially married? Carla: Cause all my cousins will throw tortillas in the air and fire their guns. Elliot: Really? God I wish I was ethnic.”— Janae Bakken, Elliot Reid, Sarah Chalke, imdb.com
“Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.”— Michael Schur, Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman, imdb.com
“Nick Andopolis: Can you ever not be sarcastic? Ken Miller: [sarcastically] I'm sarcastic?”— Gabe Sachs, Jeff Judah, Patty Lin, Nick Andopolis, Jason Segel, imdb.com
“I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”— Steven Rosenhaus, Chandler Muriel Bing, Matthew Perry, imdb.com
“Rachel: Hey, Mon, look, I'm melting butter. Monica: That's great, Rach. You now have the cooking skills of a hot day.”— Greg Malins, Rachel Green, Jennifer Aniston, imdb.com
“Dear God, thank you for the salty pig meat we are about to eat, along with the rest of the indigestible swill. And thank you for our new charade of our family. My father ran away when I was only six. If I'd have known any better, I would have joined him,. And, also, because she's been trying to get…”— James Wong, Tate Langdon, Evan Peters, imdb.com
“Mr. Lincoln once said, that you can fool all of the people some of the time. And you can fool some of the people some of the time. But you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”— Definitely Real, youtube.com
“Thomas Jefferson himself said ya know, gun control works great for the people who are law abiding citzens. And all it does it put the people at risk.”— Definitely Real, youtube.com
“Sorry, sarcasm is my brain's self-defense mechanism for whenever I'm about to be murdered.”— I. Marlene King, Ezra Fitz, Ian Harding, imdb.com
“Tobias: I'm looking for something that says, "Dad likes leather." Sales clerk: Something that says, "Leather daddy?"”— Mitchell Hurwitz, Brad Copeland, Tobias Fünke, David Cross, imdb.com