50 Hilarious Tweets From The Legendary Neil Patrick Harris

50 quotes

It's pouring rain here in NYC. Normally when things are wet I'm far more excited. 

“Harry Houdini was born on this day, 137 years ago. When using handcuffs or other restraints tonight, please do so in his honor.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: handcuffs, domination, Sex, Magic

“I wanna be Adam Levine’s clothes.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: Clothes, Sex, hot men

“Just finished filming my last scene for American Horror Story. I need to take a shower. Wash off all this horror.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: american horror story, shower, Horror

“Guess what? David Burtka and I got married over the weekend. In Italy. Yup, we put the 'n' and 'd' in 'husband'.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: Marriage, husband, Couples

“So first I saw the dress as white and gold, and only that. Now, it's absolutely blue and black. How?!? Does this make me bi-dress-ual?”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: dress, Memes, Colors

“Happy 13th, everyone! What a lovely Friday. Oh look, a cute little black kitten just walked right in front of me. Hmm. What could that mean?”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: friday the 13th, black cat, Luck, Bad Luck

“While I miss playing Hedwig, I may miss the open bar that I had created in the dressing room next door a bit more...”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: broadway, Drinking, Missing

“Took the kids to their first Broadway show today: The Lion King. Mine was 25 years ago: Les Miserables. It's the circle of life...”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: broadway, Children, lion king

“Met Dr. Phil. He called me out on some stuff. Made me cry. I'm a better person now. No he didn't. No I'm not.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: celebs, therapy, Tears

“Prepping for my Oscar night party. Anyone know a good onion dip recipe that serves 3,000?”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: food, Recipe, party, oscars

“Rosamund Pike was spectacular in Gone Girl. Glorious, absolutely remarkable. Oscar worthy, for certain. My boner concurrs.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: gone girl, Sex, oscars

“Happy 4th of July! Hope your day is a blast, but not literally.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: Fourth Of July, Fireworks, Puns

“Oof. I got a sinus infection. I blame either our ill son or one of the 75 people I've kissed on the mouth during a Hedwig performance...”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: broadway, Kissing, Sick

“Hey David Burtka - Will you be my Valentine? Ok, I realize you're already my husband, but a 'yes' would sure make my day/night/life.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: valentine's day, Marriage, husband

“So David Burtka and I have agreed that if Nick Jonas responds to this tweet, our wedding vows will sort of kind of change a bit.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: Marriage, celeb crush, Sex

“Today is the 10 Year Anniversary of the release of HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE! So a big...um...wait, what was I talking about..?”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: pot, harold and kumar, high, Drugs

“It's pouring rain here in NYC. Normally when things are wet I'm far more excited.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: Sex, wet, NYC

“Taylor Swift looks super hot. I'd try to steal her hair moves for Hedwig On Broadway, but I fear I'd lose my wig.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: celebs, broadway, Dancing

“For my birthday, I only want one thing for the world: lots of presents for me. And good ones. Well thought out gifts. So… tick tock.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: birthday, presents, Funny

“What's Chester got up his sleeve in tonight's American Horror Story? My guess is it's not good. And I should know, I filmed it.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: american horror story, Television, Acting

“The more shirtless selfies Nick Jonas posts, the better my day gets.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: celebs, hot men, Sex

“Oof. I am knee deep in Oscars' rehearsals. Why, oh why did I ask for a wading pool...”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: oscars, Puns, Swimming

“Due to the Patriots ball scandal, I’ll personally be making sure all the Oscars are fully inflated this year.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: oscars, Football, patriots

“The Oscar nominations come out tomorrow morning. Damn, I really need to finish counting all these ballots..! #Oscars #procrastination”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: oscars, counting, procrastination

“I'll be watching Peter Pan Live tonight at 8 pm on NBC. You? Can't wait to see what will happen! Break a leg, cast. But not a wire...”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: broadway, Peter Pan, nbc

“It's Easter and 4/20? The Reece's Peanut Butter Egg must be quite the desirable commodity today!”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: easter, 4/20, eating, Hunger

“Oops. It's Reese's. Not Reece's. Sorry, I'm a fan of Ms. Witherspoon. Oh wait. She's Reese too. Um, the monkey? No that's Rhesus. Dangit!”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: chocolate, easter, 4/20

“I'm doing a crazy glam rock photo shoot. Over the top Bowie-tastic, but now I'm not sure how to get the glitter out of my iPhone.”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: glitter, photographs, iPhone

“I'm so proud of Hugh Jackman for hosting this year's Tony Awards and for calling me an hour ago to say, 'Suck it!'”

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: celebs, tony awards, Hosting

“Would I have wished that Barney and Robin would've stayed together? Sure, but most divorcees wish it had worked out.””

— Neil Patrick Harris, twitter.com

Tagged: Divorce, how i met your mother, Marriage