Latest Quotes

“Anyway, there are two types of guys in this world -- one guy who makes a detailed calendar of everything they're gonna do for the next five years of their life, and then the other guy, who draws weird penises on said calendar just to piss calendar guy off.”

— David Caspe, Max Blum, Adam Pally, Cocktails & Dreams

“Dave: Whore's Bath? Penny: Uh, yeah, David, I did take a Whore's Bath, Okay? I had a one-night stand, and I didn't have time to shower, so did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and splash some water on my hush in the bathroom of an Au Bon Pain? Yes, I did. I'm sorry that I'm a modern-day single wom…”

— David Caspe, Penny Hartz, Casey Wilson, Cocktails & Dreams

“Yuk, yuk, yuk it up, because my body is a temple and your bodies are stadium urine troughs.”

— David Caspe, Penny Hartz, Casey Wilson, Cocktails & Dreams

“Why are you so obsessed with finding a flaw in him?”

— David Caspe, Alex Kerkovich, Elisha Cuthbert, Everybody Loves Grant

“Every group needs a Dave!”

— David Caspe, Jane Williams, Eliza Coupe, Everybody Loves Grant

“You always change to fit a guy.”

— David Caspe, Jane Williams, Eliza Coupe, Makin' Changes

“Max: You should watch the gay history channel. Dave: That's a thing? Derrick: Yeah, it's called Bravo.”

— David Caspe, Max Blum, Adam Pally, You Snooze, You Bruise

“No, I'd rather be surprised by a disappointment than happy with what I expected. It's why I never ask if a pool is heated.”

— David Caspe, Penny Hartz, Casey Wilson, Grinches Be Crazy

“Ya, TV really is nature's babysitter.”

— David Caspe, Max Blum, Adam Pally, Full Court Dress

“In Malibu everybody is going to be in recovery for whip its and La Croix.”

— Trixie Mattel, Drag Queens Trixie Mattel & Katya React to Feel Good Season 2

“Imagine getting murdered because your showrunner wanted to turn your primetime scissoring soap into a murder mystery as a backdoor pilot to send the most cartoony character to jail to headline a prison show.”

— Heather Hogan, The 15 Stupidest Ways Queer Women Died on TV

“He got a case of the broken hearts.”

— David Caspe, Alex Kerkovich, Elisha Cuthbert, You've Got Male

“You know, that feeling? When you wake up in the morning and you have somebody to think about? Somewhere for hope to go? It’s good. Even when it’s bad, it’s good.”

— Casey McQuiston, One Last Stop

“As the classic marketer's line goes: you sell the sizzle, not the steak.”

— Andy Kelly, Does E3 hype ever actually pay off?

“By slowing down, even if it feels odd, I know that I’m showing up for myself, and setting myself up to wake up ready to take on another day.”

— Bianca Sparacino, Pay More Attention To The Things That Make You Want To Get Up In The Morning

“You could argue mediocrity is even aspirational — the person who doesn’t feel the need to constantly improve themselves is likely far more self-possessed and well-adjusted than the people who do.”

— Rebecca Jennings, The blandness of TikTok’s biggest stars

“Kill everyone and leave no witnesses? Sure!”

— Lisa Marie Segarra, My New Switch Obsession Is A Game About Covering Up A Murder

“Jeff Bezos has already selected a hobby for his post-CEO life: space travel.”

— Laurel Wamsley, Jeff Bezos Is Going To Space

“If I love self-expression, how is the entire world of women’s clothes and women’s fashion not available to me as a man?”

— Brendan Dunlap, The Boys in Their Summer Dresses

“You're like the ghost of Tilda Swinton.”

— David Caspe, Brad Williams, Damon Wayans Jr., Why Can't You Read Me?