“Now I know why people play golf! It's not 'cause they like this game! It's just to get away from their wives! That's why they play!”Tagged: Golf, Bad Marriage, wives
“Ralph: [to Alice] I don't care if you've got any confidence, because I have enough confidence in me for the both of us! Alice Kramden: You've got enough everything in you for the both of us.”Tagged: Confidence, Fat-Shaming
“Alice Kramden: Trixie hasn't had any sleep in three nights. If she doesn't get some rest soon, she's just gonna waste away to nothing. Ralph Kramden: She didn't have any sleep in three nights? How about me? I haven't slept in three nights! She'll waste away? Don't you care if I waste away? Alice…”Tagged: Insomnia, Fat-Shaming
“Acting young ain't what keeps you young, but if you have some memories—some good memories—of when you were young, that's what keeps you young.”Tagged: Youth, Memories
“Ralph: You're the type of person that would bend way over to pick up a penny on the sidewalk. I wouldn't. Alice: You couldn't.”Tagged: Cheap, Fat-Shaming
“You're a riot, Alice. You're a regular riot. Hope they like those jokes on the moon, 'cause that's where you're goin'.”Tagged: Riot, Moon, Threats
“Ralph: From here on in, we are deadly enemies. I don't want to see ya, I don't want to talk to ya, I don't want to have nothing to do with ya. If you see me coming down the street, get on the other side! Norton: When you come down the street, there AIN'T no other side!”Tagged: enemies, Fat-Shaming
“Ralph: What's the matter? Aren't you up on current events? Don't you read the papers? Don't you read comic books? That's the trouble with you; you don't know the latest developments. Alice: I don't know the latest developments? Who is it that lets your pants out every other day?”Tagged: papers, Comic Books, Fat-Shaming
“[speaking to a recorder an apology to Alice] Hello, Alice. This is me, Ralph. Alice, I'm sorry. I'm miserable without ya. Please come back to me, Alice. I apologize for everything I've said. I even apologize to your mother. I know she doesn't mean the things she says, Alice, it's just her nature.…”Tagged: Apologies, Mother in Law, Blabbermouth
“In the words of the immortal bard, Shakespeare, 'There are three times in a man's life when he wants to be alone: one, when he's communing with his thoughts; two, when he's being tender with his wife; and three, when he's in the isolation booth on 'The $64,000 Question'.'”Tagged: shakespeare, Game Shows, Alone, Solitude
“[to Alice's mother; shouting] You—are a blabbermouth! A blabbermouth! You! Blabbermouth! Out!”Tagged: Blabbermouth, Mother in Law
“Ralph Kramden: Norton, let's face it, I'm a man with big ideas, and sooner or later, one of those ideas is going to catch on. And when they do, I'm going to be a big shot. And do you know what happens to people who become big shots? Ed Norton: Yeah, they forget their relatives.”Tagged: Success, Relatives