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Bob Belcher

13 quotesCook · Male

All Portmanteus (1)Brilliant (1)Credit Cards (1)Boring (1)Hockey Games (1)Thanksgiving Dinner (1)Grandoody (1)Lobsterfest (1)Landlords (1)Condescending (1)Christmas (1)Thanksgiving (1)Drugs (1)Revenge (1)Absurd (1)

From “Sexy Dance Fighting”

Louise: So you're not going to get revenge today? Bob: No, Louise, I'm not. Louise: OK, got it. [slyly] Then I won't bring your credit card...which I cut into a ninja star! Bob: Oh, you cut my credit card? Louise: Into a ninja star!

Revenge Ninja Stars Credit Cards

From “Sheesh! Cab, Bob?”

Bob: Wait, you read her diary? Linda: Yeah. Louise: What I can stomach. Linda: I just skim it to make sure she's not on drugs. Bob: Wha...what does it say? Linda: It says, ‘I’m not on drugs.’

Anti-Jokes Drugs Diary

From “Burger Wars”

Mr. Fischoeder: Bob, you may be the worst tenant I've ever had. And I rent space to a raccoon sanctuary! Bob: I know. They're next door. I've been meaning to talk to you about it.

Raccoons Landlords Being A Terrible Renter

From “Lobsterfest”

Louise: Our family doesn't celebrate Lobsterfest. We're like Jews on Christmas. Gene: Or Jews for Jesus on Hanukkah. Teddy: Or me at a lesbian bar. Watched the hockey game at a lesbian bar, Bob. It was like I was invisible.

Lobsterfest Jews Christmas hanukkah jesus

From “Bob Day Afternoon”

Bob: [practicing] 'As you know, sir, we have several loans with your institution, all 'past due.' But what does 'past due' even mean, you know? Gene: It's brilliant! There's no such thing as time! Linda: Gene was past due, and he came out fine.

Loan Officers Past Due Brilliant

From “Synchronized Swimming”

Bob: Are we just going to ignore the fact that Louise just pooped in the pool? Louise: Ignore it? I named it. Jezebel. Linda: Awwww. My little grandoody.

Portmanteus Poop in the Pool Jezebel Grandoody

From “Mutiny on the Windbreaker”

Bob: [addressing a large pot] Duval, is that you in there? Duval: [from the pot] No one's in this pot. Go away. I am the spaghetti.

Absurd spaghetti Hiding Cowering

From “O.T.”

Well, Your Honor, I couldn't see the meter because there was a kid standing in front of it. And he was exactly....meter-sized...

Alibis Parking Meters

From “Carpe Museum”

Bob: Hey, sometimes good things come from boredom. Like Gene. Gene: Thank you!

Boring Backhanded Compliments

From “A River Runs Through Bob”

Gene: [about Bob's multitool] Could it kill an eagle? Bob: Why would we want to kill an eagle? Gene: I don't know. They're so condescending.

Eagles Condescending

From “Bob and Deliver”

Kids are horrible. Why do we keep making them?

Childbirth Anti-Natalism

From “The Equestranauts”

Teddy: Hey, Bob. You going to Equestra-Con? Bob: Uh, no, Teddy. Because that's a convention for little girls that like toy horses. Teddy: Beg to differ, Bob. It's for guys that like toy horses. They're called ‘Equesticles.’ Bob: ‘Equesticles?’ Teddy: Yeah, 'cause they got testicles. 'Cause they're…

Equesticles Equestrian

From “Dawn of the Peck”

Oh, right! Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about—running around with a bunch of stupid birds and going on rides. Fine, go. But you know what? I am not making dinner!

Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Dinner

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