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Chris McKenna

12 quotesActor · United States Of America · Male

All Sex (3)Instructions (1)Wheelchair (1)Meatball (1)Boring (1)virgin (1)upset (1)Chemist (1)plan (1)Harry Potter (1)Boil Water (1)appliances (1)Metaphor (1)masturbation (1)Wine (1)

From “Star Trek”

So now I was a published writer, but my life had become boring, as boring as a bad metaphor. Or simile. Whatever, I'm not a writer.

writer Published simile Metaphor Boring

From “A Smith in the Hand”

Steve: So you're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage? Stan: That's right. Or angels will kill you.

Sex Sex Before Marriage Angels Death Sin

Steve: Dad! There you are! Stan: Of-Of course I'm here. Wh-Where would I be? Alone? Touching myself? Steve: Yeah, right. Only perverts and Democrats do that.

Alone Touching Myself Perverts Democrats masturbation

Francine: Steve, your father got hurt in a very tender place. He's probably frustrated he can't go to work, or mow the lawn, or clean the gutters. Boy, it's been a while since he's cleaned the gutters. Steve: Hey, maybe until Dad get better, I can clean the gutters. Francine: That's creepy, honey.

hurt Frustrated Mow The Lawn Clean the gutters Sex

From “Finances With Wolves”

Hmm... 'Boil water.' What am I, a chemist?

Cooking Boil Water Instructions Chemist

From “It's Good to be the Queen”

Roger: Hey, with this mortar launcher, we can get back at the kid who went all Tom Sizemore on your eye! Steve: Oh, I wish I could get back at him. I'm gonna dress up as a girl and get him to have sex with me and then say 'Ha! I'm not a girl! You just had sex with a boy that hates you!' Roger: Yes,…

Revenge Sex Dress Up As a girl therapy Hate

From “Irregarding Steve”

Isn't this the Hollywood Stock Exchange? You know, where you buy and sell celebrity stocks based on the ups and down of their careers?

Hollywood Stock Exchange celebrity Socks Careers

From “The Most Adequate Christmas Ever”

Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator, doesn't mean you know how it works.

Snow Diss Refrigerator appliances How it works

From “Bar Mitzvah Shuffle”

And what Steve doesn't realize is I have a plan of my own. While everyone's focused on Snot, I'll be heading to the bathroom to share a doobie with the busboy in exchange for an angry handy-J.

plans Weed Busboy favors Trading

From “Rapture's Delight”

Oh, I love your religion ... for the crazy! Virgin birth. Water into wine. It's like Harry Potter, but it causes genocide and bad folk music.

Religion crazy virgin Wine Genocide

*Gasp* I dropped my meatball in the pool!

Meatball Shock Despair Drop Pool

From “100 A.D.”

Why are you calling me Legs?! Is there something wrong with my legs? Is that why there's a wheelchair in the car?!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LEGS YOU NAZI WALRUS BASTARD?!!!

legs Wheelchair upset Mad

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