“So now I was a published writer, but my life had become boring, as boring as a bad metaphor. Or simile. Whatever, I'm not a writer.”Tagged: writer, Published, simile, Metaphor, Boring
“Steve: So you're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage? Stan: That's right. Or angels will kill you.”Tagged: Sex, Sex Before Marriage, Angels, Death, Sin
“Steve: Dad! There you are! Stan: Of-Of course I'm here. Wh-Where would I be? Alone? Touching myself? Steve: Yeah, right. Only perverts and Democrats do that.”Tagged: Alone, Touching Myself, Perverts, Democrats, masturbation
“Francine: Steve, your father got hurt in a very tender place. He's probably frustrated he can't go to work, or mow the lawn, or clean the gutters. Boy, it's been a while since he's cleaned the gutters. Steve: Hey, maybe until Dad get better, I can clean the gutters. Francine: That's creepy, honey.”Tagged: hurt, Frustrated, Mow The Lawn, Clean the gutters, Sex
“Roger: Hey, with this mortar launcher, we can get back at the kid who went all Tom Sizemore on your eye! Steve: Oh, I wish I could get back at him. I'm gonna dress up as a girl and get him to have sex with me and then say 'Ha! I'm not a girl! You just had sex with a boy that hates you!' Roger: Yes,…”Tagged: Revenge, Sex, Dress Up As a girl, therapy, Hate
“Isn't this the Hollywood Stock Exchange? You know, where you buy and sell celebrity stocks based on the ups and down of their careers?”Tagged: Hollywood, Stock Exchange, celebrity, Socks, Careers
“Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator, doesn't mean you know how it works.”Tagged: Snow, Diss, Refrigerator, appliances, How it works
“And what Steve doesn't realize is I have a plan of my own. While everyone's focused on Snot, I'll be heading to the bathroom to share a doobie with the busboy in exchange for an angry handy-J.”Tagged: plans, Weed, Busboy, favors, Trading
“Oh, I love your religion ... for the crazy! Virgin birth. Water into wine. It's like Harry Potter, but it causes genocide and bad folk music.”Tagged: Religion, crazy, virgin, Wine, Genocide
“Why are you calling me Legs?! Is there something wrong with my legs? Is that why there's a wheelchair in the car?!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LEGS YOU NAZI WALRUS BASTARD?!!!”Tagged: legs, Wheelchair, upset, Mad