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Clark Griswold

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All Santa Claus (3)vacation movies (2)Surprised (2)Holidays (2)CHristmas Gifts (2)Assholes (2)bad gifts (2)Christmas (2)vacation (2)High Standards (1)Murder (1)checks (1)only the best (1)graduations (1)burn some rubber (1)

From “National Lampoons Family Vacation ”

Don’t let your mother smell that beer on your breath.

Dad Advice Movie Quotes

From “National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation”

Clark: Russ, go get the hammer. Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for? Clark: I'm gonna catch it in the coat…and smack it with the hammer.

bird Hammer

Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to. Clark: When have I ever done that? Ellen: Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays... Clark: Goodnight, Ellen. Ellen: Vacations, graduations...

High Standards parties Weddings anniversaries funerals

Ruby Sue: Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain't Santa Claus? Clark: I'm sure... I can't even afford to be an elf.

Santa Claus poor Elf

Clark: [the Christmas dinner table shudders, and loud gagging noises come from underneath. Clark looks to see where its coming from] Edward, what's wrong with the dog? Eddie: [Looks underneath the table] Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone. [Grotesque barfing noises] He's got it up! [Winks at Clark that…

dog Choking Trash

Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things. Cousin Catherine Johnson: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

Squirrels Cholesterol

Clark: Oh, I was just smelling—smiling. I was just blouse—browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they—HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it? Mary: You have your…

Double Entendres Hooters nipply

Clark: No, Eddie. It was my fault. I lost my temper when I got my bonus and I guess I said a few thing I shouldn't have. Mr. Frank Shirley: Bonus? How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year. Clark: Yeah. Thanks for telling us. I was expecting a check. Instead I got enrolled in a jelly…

jelly club bad gifts innocent

Clark: Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we're all in for a real treat! Eddie: Save the neck for me, Clark. Clark: Okay Eddie...

christmas turkey

Well I'm gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.

Luggage

Art: The little lights...they aren't twinkling. Clark: I know, Art. Thanks for noticing.

Stating the Obvious

Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess. Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah. Clark: How'd you get through it? Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

Holidays Jack Daniels

Ellen: Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down. Clark: That's all part of the experience, honey.

Frigid

[Clark is about to cut the rope holding the branches of his huge Christmas tree] I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. [He cuts the rope, and the branches fly out, breaking windows and surrounding Clark] Lotta sap in here! Mmmm... Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.

family christmas tree sap

Uncle Lewis: [Clark is cleaning up the garbage off the kitchen floor after the dog went through it] Hey Gris, you're not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room and get my stogie. Clark: Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis? Ellen: He's an old man. This may be his last…

constructive Annoying stogie cigar

The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.

lisp Christmas Spirit

Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols. Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one…

Christmas sleigh Santa Claus

Clark: [Revealing his Christmas 'bonus'] It's a one year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club. Eddie: Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

bad gifts jelly of the month

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

eggnog middle of nowhere

Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber. Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust. Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.

eat my dust burn some rubber

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