“Rusty Griswold: Dad, this tree won't fit in our backyard. Clark: It's not going in the yard, Russ. It's going in the living room.”Tagged: Christmas Tree
“Uncle Lewis: Hey Grizz, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you. Clark: Aw, you didn't have to get me anything. Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.”Tagged: CHristmas Gifts, no gift for you
“Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous. Clark: Nervous or excited? Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks. Clark: You shouldn't use that word. Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks.”Tagged: shitting bricks, Shitting
“Clark: So, when did you get the tenement on wheels? Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it? Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway. [Raises glass to his mouth] Eddie:…”Tagged: RV, Tenement, Overstaying Your Welcome
“Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb, didn't we? Rusty Griswold: Sure, Dad. Clark: Hmm... Maybe we ought to just go up there and check... Rusty Griswold: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to…”Tagged: light bulbs, homework
“Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”Tagged: Merry Christmas, happy hanukkah, Kiss my ass
“Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse. Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.”Tagged: Hell, things could be worse
“Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark? Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.”Tagged: christmas lights, house fire
“[Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswolds' yuppie neighbors, appear] Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Clark: Bend over and I'll show you. Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold. Clark: I wasn't talking to you.”Tagged: Neighbors, Bend Over
“Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace. Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear? Nora Griswold: Grace! Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago. Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace. [Bethany shakes her head in…”Tagged: Pledge of Allegiance
“Eddie: Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over at the VA they had to replace it with plastic. It…”Tagged: metal plate, Piss, Brains
“Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark? Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.”Tagged: Surprised
“Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on its way in from New York City. Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?”Tagged: Santa Claus, New York City
“Ellen: What are you looking at? Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer... [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet] Shitter was full. Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked…”Tagged: Surprised, shitters, illegal, asshole, Toilet
“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on…”Tagged: Tylenol, CHristmas Gifts, Dickless, Bug-Eyed, Rotten
“Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing…”Tagged: Christmas, Bing Crosby, Assholes
“We're kicking off our fun old-fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel-drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.”Tagged: Christmas Movies
“Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.”Tagged: Ketchup, only the best
“Ellen Griswold: I honestly don't think you're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road. Clark: Jesus, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world. Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language! Clark: Make that the second biggest.”Tagged: Grand Canyon, jesus, Watch Your Language
“Ellen Griswold: We're not really violent people. This is our first gun. Clark Griswold: No, it isn't.”Tagged: Guns, gun collectors