“Clark: Oh, I was just smelling—smiling. I was just blouse—browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they—HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it? Mary: You have your…”Tagged: Double Entendres, Hooters, nipply
“Clark: No, Eddie. It was my fault. I lost my temper when I got my bonus and I guess I said a few thing I shouldn't have. Mr. Frank Shirley: Bonus? How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year. Clark: Yeah. Thanks for telling us. I was expecting a check. Instead I got enrolled in a jelly…”Tagged: jelly club, bad gifts, innocent
“Clark: Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we're all in for a real treat! Eddie: Save the neck for me, Clark. Clark: Okay Eddie...”Tagged: christmas turkey
“Well I'm gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.”Tagged: Luggage
“Art: The little lights...they aren't twinkling. Clark: I know, Art. Thanks for noticing.”Tagged: Stating the Obvious
“Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess. Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah. Clark: How'd you get through it? Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.”Tagged: Holidays, Jack Daniels
“Ellen: Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down. Clark: That's all part of the experience, honey.”Tagged: Frigid
“[Clark is about to cut the rope holding the branches of his huge Christmas tree] I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. [He cuts the rope, and the branches fly out, breaking windows and surrounding Clark] Lotta sap in here! Mmmm... Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.”Tagged: family christmas tree, sap
“Uncle Lewis: [Clark is cleaning up the garbage off the kitchen floor after the dog went through it] Hey Gris, you're not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room and get my stogie. Clark: Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis? Ellen: He's an old man. This may be his last…”Tagged: constructive, Annoying, stogie, cigar
“The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.”Tagged: lisp, Christmas Spirit
“Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols. Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one…”Tagged: Christmas, sleigh, Santa Claus
“Clark: [Revealing his Christmas 'bonus'] It's a one year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club. Eddie: Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”Tagged: bad gifts, jelly of the month
“Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.”Tagged: eggnog, middle of nowhere
“Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber. Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust. Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.”Tagged: eat my dust, burn some rubber
“Rusty Griswold: Dad, this tree won't fit in our backyard. Clark: It's not going in the yard, Russ. It's going in the living room.”Tagged: Christmas Tree
“Uncle Lewis: Hey Grizz, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you. Clark: Aw, you didn't have to get me anything. Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.”Tagged: CHristmas Gifts, no gift for you
“Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous. Clark: Nervous or excited? Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks. Clark: You shouldn't use that word. Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks.”Tagged: shitting bricks, Shitting
“Clark: So, when did you get the tenement on wheels? Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it? Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway. [Raises glass to his mouth] Eddie:…”Tagged: RV, Tenement, Overstaying Your Welcome
“Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb, didn't we? Rusty Griswold: Sure, Dad. Clark: Hmm... Maybe we ought to just go up there and check... Rusty Griswold: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to…”Tagged: light bulbs, homework
“Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”Tagged: Merry Christmas, happy hanukkah, Kiss my ass