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John Hughes

112 quotesFarmer · United States Of America · Male

All Love (3)Sarcasm (3)Assholes (3)Santa Claus (3)Annoying (2)Holidays (2)Double Entendres (2)Christmas (2)Surprised (2)Expensive Cars (2)Cars (2)vacation (2)Guns (2)Bears (2)Believe In Yourself (2)

From “National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation”

Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse. Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.

Hell things could be worse

Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark? Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

christmas lights house fire

[Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswolds' yuppie neighbors, appear] Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Clark: Bend over and I'll show you. Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold. Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

Neighbors Bend Over

Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace. Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear? Nora Griswold: Grace! Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago. Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace. [Bethany shakes her head in…

Pledge of Allegiance

Eddie: Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over at the VA they had to replace it with plastic. It…

metal plate Piss Brains

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark? Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

Surprised

Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on its way in from New York City. Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?

Santa Claus New York City

Ellen: What are you looking at? Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer... [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet] Shitter was full. Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked…

Surprised shitters illegal asshole Toilet

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on…

Tylenol CHristmas Gifts Dickless Bug-Eyed Rotten

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing…

Christmas Bing Crosby Assholes

We're kicking off our fun old-fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel-drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.

Christmas Movies

From “National Lampoon's Vacation”

Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss. Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that. Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.

Going Steady French Kissing Incest

I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.

Disability laid off plate in the head

Audrey Griswold: Mom, where can I go to the bathroom? Ellen Griswold: Find a bush Audrey! : Mom, where can I go to the bathroom? Ellen Griswold: Find a bush, Audrey!

Public Urination bathrooms

Ellen Griswold: Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart. Audrey Griswold: Let's not overdo it, mom. Ellen Griswold: Shut up.

Love Eulogies overdoing it Sarcasm

Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.

Ketchup only the best

Ellen Griswold: I honestly don't think you're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road. Clark: Jesus, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world. Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language! Clark: Make that the second biggest.

Grand Canyon jesus Watch Your Language

Ellen Griswold: We're not really violent people. This is our first gun. Clark Griswold: No, it isn't.

Guns gun collectors

Rusty Griswold: Is that a real gun, Mom? Ellen Griswold: I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father...may be going away for a little while.

Guns trouble

Clark: We're from out of town. Man Giving Directions: No shit.

Out of town no shit Painfully Obvious

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