“I heard that you were feeling ill. Headache, fever, and a chill. I came to help restore your pluck, cause I'm the nurse who likes to...”Tagged: Singing Telegram, Music
“A: You can never go too far. B: If I'm gonna get busted, it is not gonna be by a guy like that.”Tagged: Troublemakers, Getting Caught
“I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.”Tagged: European, Socialism
“Ferris: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off. Cameron: How? Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.”Tagged: Cars, Mileage
“I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?”Tagged: computers, Cars
“The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a…”Tagged: Sick Days, Playing Pretend
“Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.”Tagged: Popular Kids, Popularity
“He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me till I come over, he'll make me feel guilty.”Tagged: Guilt Trips, Canceling Plans
“Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it.”Tagged: Insulted, Frustrated
“Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion. Ferris: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.”Tagged: Ferrari, Expensive Cars
“Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the…”Tagged: The Beatles, Believe In Yourself
“Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.”Tagged: High-Maintenance, Anal Personality
“Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence.…”Tagged: Losing Your Virginity, Settling In Love
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”Tagged: live in the moment, Enjoy Today
“I don't believe in -isms, I just believe in me.”Tagged: Isims, Believe In Yourself, Belief In Yourself
“Clark: Russ, go get the hammer. Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for? Clark: I'm gonna catch it in the coat…and smack it with the hammer.”Tagged: bird, Hammer
“Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to. Clark: When have I ever done that? Ellen: Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays... Clark: Goodnight, Ellen. Ellen: Vacations, graduations...”Tagged: High Standards, parties, Weddings, anniversaries, funerals
“Ruby Sue: Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain't Santa Claus? Clark: I'm sure... I can't even afford to be an elf.”Tagged: Santa Claus, poor, Elf
“Clark: [the Christmas dinner table shudders, and loud gagging noises come from underneath. Clark looks to see where its coming from] Edward, what's wrong with the dog? Eddie: [Looks underneath the table] Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone. [Grotesque barfing noises] He's got it up! [Winks at Clark that…”Tagged: dog, Choking, Trash
“Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things. Cousin Catherine Johnson: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.”Tagged: Squirrels, Cholesterol