“I'm making this out for one thousand dollars. All you have to do is give me 300 dollars in cash and keep 700 dollars, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.”Tagged: checks, Cash, Creep
“[after driving off the road] Ellen Griswold: I think I broke my nose. Rusty Griswold: I stabbed my brain. Audrey Griswold: I just got my period.”Tagged: Car Crash, broken nose, period
“Lasky: Has your father ever killed anyone? Rusty: Just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna. Clark: Hey you can't prove that, Russ.”Tagged: Murder, reasonable doubt
“I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna's purse?”Tagged: Theft, frog's fat ass
“[In Cousin Normy's backyard in the pouring rain] Ellen Griswold: We can't leave her on the patio! Clark: Would you rather I slipped her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?”Tagged: patio, pouring rain, Morbid Humor
“Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes...or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?”Tagged: vacation, ball of twine
“Ellen Griswold: Clark, let's just skip the House of Mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us. Clark: It's living history, Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.”Tagged: Dodge City, House of Mud
“Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than Tuna Helper myself, don't you, Clark? Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.”Tagged: tuna helper, hamburger helper, gourmet, Sarcasm
“Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have fun... We're all gonna have so much fucking fun…”Tagged: Assholes, holy shit, forced fun, vacation
“Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the expressway? Pimp: Fuck yo mama! Clark: Thank you very much.”Tagged: asking directions, freeway, fuck yo mama
“Car Rental Agent: [cheerfully] Welcome to Marathon, may I help you? Neal: Yes. Car Rental Agent: How may I help you? Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks! And you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking…”Tagged: Fucked, Thanksgiving Movies
“You might be the toughest little whacker at the junior high but in my world, you're about as worrisome as a cloudy day.”Tagged: Understatement, Thanksgiving Movies
“Rusty Griswold: Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do? Clark Griswold: That was Rome, not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.”Tagged: when in rome, Rome, paris, Drunk, vacation movies
“[Chet is telling everyone about his bear story] So when you go to bed tonight, and you hear a noise, whatever you do, don't look out the window...[Chet shouts while he tosses some of his alcoholic beverage into the fireplace causing a huge fireball shooting out of the chimney]...because there might…”Tagged: Bears
“Roman: There's no mystery here, Chet. I know how you really feel about me. Chet: Do you? Roman: Yeah, and I knew that if I was ever to give you something, you figure there'd be strings attached. Chet: Is that a fact? Roman: Yeah, that's a fact. At our wedding, you were in the john, Kate and Connie's…”Tagged: grudges, hard feelings, crooked, Mystery
“[Chet and Roman are arguing] Chet: You've got an awful lot of nerve, Roman, a lot of nerve. Roman: It's served me well, I'm the one with the Mercedes. Chet: By the way, is it paid for? Roman: Are you jealous? Chester! Chet: Don't call me Chester! Call me that one more time and you're gonna go home…”Tagged: Blow It Out Your Ass, Bite the Big One, Jealous, Rude
“What a gas! Chet's gonna shit a solid gold brick when he sees us, what a great surprise!”Tagged: Gas, surprise, shit a brick