Josh Thomas

189 quotes

“If you hear any noise, any at all that isn’t muttering apologies, then you should interject.”

“Would you ask a bird why it sings? Would you ask a divorced man why he joined a pottery class? Some things don’t need to be questioned.”

“Sometimes I wonder how there is anyone in the world that doesn’t have worms.”

“I’m done with feeling insecure when cool kids make me an espresso.”

“But fuck, when I say to you ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ why can’t you stop talking about it?”

“But fuck, when I say to you ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ why can’t you stop talking about it?”

“You look like Ellen Degeneres if Ellen Degeneres was a candle.”

“Isn’t it weird to think that Beyoncé was a baby once? You almost just don’t believe it.”

“Josh: What can I do to make today less shit for you? Arnold: Love me.”

“Grace is the Beyoncé of babies”

“Grace is the Beyoncé of babies”

“Everyone is forcing their kids to grow up too soon these days.”

“I like outie vaginas. They’re really friendly.”

“I don’t need you, you know? You know, there’s a lot of girls out there looking for a gay best friend.”

“I don’t need you, you know? You know, there’s a lot of girls out there looking for a gay best friend.”