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Juno

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All humor (14)Pregnancy (5)Family (5)Love (5)Friendship (3)Funny (3)Dating (2)Couples (2)Virginity (2)pregnant (2)Italy (1)Friends (1)trying too hard (1)maturity (1)men's room (1)

From “Juno”

Hey, yeah, uh, I'm just calling to procure a hasty abortion.

humor Pregnancy

The funny thing is that Steve Rendazo secretly wants me. Jocks like him always want freaky girls. Girls with horn-rimmed glasses and vegan footwear and Goth makeup. Girls who play the cello and wear Converse All-Stars and want to be children's librarians when they grow up. Oh yeah, jocks eat that…

humor high school crushes

Juno: I'm not ready to be a mom. Mac: Damn skippy you're not! You don't even remember to give Liberty Bell her breathing meds. Juno: God, that was *one* time! And she did not die, if you recall.

humor Family Motherhood

My step-mom is forcing me to eat really healthy. She won't even let me stand in front of the microwave or eat red M&Ms.

Pregnancy healthy

Juno: I just, like, don't want to give the baby to a family that describes themselves as 'wholesome.' Well, I don't know, I just want something a little more edgier. Leah: Okay, well what did you have in mind? Juno: I was thinking more, like, graphic designer, mid-thirties, you know, with a cool…

humor Friendship Funny pregnant Family

As boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni. And I know people are supposed to fall in love before they reproduce, but—I guess normalcy isn't really our style.

Love Pregnancy Dating Relationships Couples

WHOA DREAM BIG!

humor Dream

Ultrasound Technician: I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here and it's obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in. Juno: How do you know I'm so poisonous? What if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters? Leah: Or, like, stage parents. Bren: They could be…

Family humor Pregnancy Trades Special

Excuse me. I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

humor Pregnancy

Uhhh, I hate it when adults use the term 'sexually active.' What does it even mean? Am I gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?

humor Adulthood Being

I named my guitar Roosevelt—not Ted, Franklin. You know, the hot one, with polio.

humor Guitar Naming

Juno: What? Cause I got bored and had sex with you and I didn't want to, like, marry you? Bleeker: Like I'd marry you! You'd be the meanest wife ever, okay? And I know that you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then 'The Blair Witch Project' was coming on Starz and…

humor Virginity Love Marriage Friendship

I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while.

Home different

Mac: Where you been? Juno: Oh, just out dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

humor Family maturity

Bleeker: I still have your underwear. Juno: I still have your virginity. Bleeker: Would you shut up?

humor Love Funny Virginity

Juno: I'm pregnant. Leah: What? Honest to blog? Juno: Yeah. Yeah, it's Bleeker's. Leah: It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch? Juno: No, this is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout. Leah: How did you even generate enough…

humor Friendship Funny pregnant News

Juno: I'm just, like, losing my faith with humanity. Mac: Can you can narrow that down for me? Juno: I just wonder if like, two people can ever stay together for good. Mac: You mean like couples? Juno: Yeah, like people in love. Mac: Are you having boy troubles? Because I gotta be honest with you; I…

humor Family humanity Love Couples

Juno: I think I'm in love with you. Bleeker: You mean as friends? Juno: No... I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know... Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.

Love Friends cool trying too hard

From “Beetlejuice”

Juno: [as Adam and Barbara come back to the afterlife] You two have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed, and you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get hold of the handbook! Adam: Handbook? When? Juno: [rolls her eyes] Never…

screwed up Handbook Living haunting Life After Death

Dumb Football Player: Coach. Coach, where's the men's room? Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived! Dumb Football Player #2: Wait, coach, let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here? Juno: Will you get out of here! Go on, get downstairs! 'Men's room!' Are you kidding? Can't you read…

men's room curfew

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