The narcissistic father does well receiving adoration, but the giving process is incomplete; it lacks empathy from the father back to the daughter. The reflective function breaks down, and the father keeps the adoration for himself, to fill a void. The daughter remains unseen. Her function is to…
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Selma Nemer
One Roof founder Selma Nemer is a licensed psychologist who specializes in releasing repetitive destructive patterns of behavior through insight, awareness, deep listening and breath work. Also a meditation teacher, Nemer works with individuals to restore emotional regulation from dis-regulation, to respond rather than react and to quiet within. Co-facilitating The Saratoga Stress Reduction Program, Dr. Selma is certified in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Rapid) and practices Somatic Experiencing, Dreamwork, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy. I work with clients to help them slow down within, recognize emotions as they arise and practice sitting with whatever is present with support and kind awareness. I help people integrate thoughts, emotions and sensations to embody awareness. In place of maintaining old limiting beliefs, my approach helps individuals shift into deeper understanding of self, others, life and death. I specialize in helping people with anxiety and panic disorders and help people ready for entry into the Saratoga Stress Reduction Program.
An integrated woman is powerful, erotic, insightful, and grounded, and this is too great a threat to a divided father-husband.
Grandiosity, self-importance, and requiring admiration and compliance with his own expectations are the attributes of the narcissistic father. The narcissistic father is critical and perfectionistic to the point where no one can meet his standards. The father gives loyalty to those who hold the…
The father needs to affirm to the daughter his way of loving her. The acknowledgment can be in words or action but must be clear and not hidden; otherwise the message she receives is that she is unlovable or that love is something shameful, needing to be hidden.
A daughter of narcissistic abuse idealizes her father to compensate for the reality of his persecution; otherwise, she could not exist, for existence would be intolerable in a world where primary figures, which should be protective and loving, are not.
Yet abuse is attention, which habituates one to defeat and numbness.
Each daughter of a narcissistic father experienced the need to perform, excel, care for others, and provide, never again to be vulnerable, where the libido experienced a lack of mirroring, absence and loss. Each daughter had to be better than her mother in order to be loved, but was not loved for…
Beheaded goddesses, daughters of patriarchy, have a choice: give up or fight.
The emptiness and chaotic infantile needs of a narcissistic father for merger with the feminine are unmet by a collapsed and depressed wife who has either chosen to subjugate her power to support the male myth or has had it belittled away. The mother equates pleasing with acceptance and love. This…
It is safer not to emit the essence of one's self, for this will be taken and burned. And so the spark of self goes into hiding.
A positive father is boundaried while emotionally available, mirroring regard and acceptance of a daughter's feminine essence and sexuality as it grows and develops. He can argue, state his position, and disagree while remaining respectful of a daughter's evolving process. The mature father gently…
A daughter of a narcissistic father unconsciously sacrifices her self, seething and stuffing the resentment. For years she may not even know she is angry, yet symptoms appear. The shell begins to crack; the veneer is thin. Her authentic wants and needs have never been experienced, so they cannot be…
In the telling of our stories, a transformation occur — the ah-ha of insight.
Daughters of narcissistic fathers learn rules by observing the relationship of the mother and father. Roles become unconsciously internalized.