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1,631 quotes

“How do you keep a bull from charging? Take away its credit card.”

“Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Cause he was feeling crummy.”

“What do geese take for their allergies? Anti-hissssss-tamines.”

“Knock-knock. Who’s there? Stopwatch! Stopwatch who? Stopwatch you’re doing and open this door!”

“What did one tonsil say to the other? Better get dressed. The doc’s taking us out tonight!”

“How do you find Will Smith when he’s lost in the snow? You just look for fresh prints.”

“What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees.”

“What do you call two guys hanging on a window? Kurt and Rod.”

“Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing.”

“What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.”

“If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? Euro-peein’.”

“What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!”

“What did one firefly say to the other? You glow, girl!”

“Why did the superhero flush the toilet? Because it was his doody.”

“How do you get a tissue to dance? You put a little boogie into it.”