[Upon finding a Hummer filled with rifles] Thank God for rednecks.
Catalog
Woody Harrelson
Woodrow Tracy "Woody" Harrelson (born July 23, 1961) is an American actor, activist and playwright. He is a two-time Academy Award nominee and has won one Emmy Award out of seven nominations. His breakout role came in 1985, joining the television sitcom Cheers as bartender Woody Boyd, for which he earned five Emmy Award nominations (one win). Some notable film characters include basketball hustler Billy Hoyle in White Men Can't Jump, one-handed bowler Roy Munson in Kingpin, Haymitch Abernathy in The Hunger Games film series, Pepper Lewis in The Cowboy Way, Tallahassee in Zombieland, serial killer Mickey Knox in Natural Born Killers, magazine publisher Larry Flynt in The People vs. Larry Flynt, country singer Dusty in A Prairie Home Companion, and magician/mentalist Merritt McKinney in Now You See Me. He will be portraying the Colonel in War for the Planet of the Apes. For The People vs. Larry Flynt and The Messenger, Harrelson earned Academy Award nominations for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor, respectively. In 2014, he starred as Detective Martin Hart in the first season of the HBO crime drama True Detective with Matthew McConaughey, which earned him and McConaughey nominations for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series. 2Early life Harrelson was born in Midland, Texas, the son of Diane and Charles Voyde Harrelso
Columbus: [in voiceover] You see, he was in the ass-kicking business and... Tallahassee: [Tallahassee, in flashback, rounds corner holding two chainsaws and wearing a welding mask, flips mask up] ...business is good.
Here’s the deal: I’m not easy to get along with, and I’m sensing you’re a bit of a bitch.
Have you ever read that book ‘She’s Just Not That Into You’?
[turning to Columbus, Wichita, and Little Rock after a zombie kill] What do you think? ‘Zombie Kill of the Week’?
[to Columbus] You can do anything you want to a man, but do not fuck with his Cadillac.
Columbus: Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else’s story? Tallahassee: No. I knew a guy way worse at that than me.
Wichita: [playing Monopoly] Ooh! Free parking... Little Rock: Yeah. Wichita: —which coincidentally is the best thing about Zombieland. Columbus: You want to know the best thing about Z-land? No—no Facebook status updates. You know, Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday. Who cares? Tallahassee: The…
There’s a box of Twinkies in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkies—the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. Some day very soon, life’s little Twinkie gauge is gonna go...empty.
Little Rock: No Twinkies. Tallahassee: Shit! fuck! Wichita: See, I told you we should have gone to Russell Crowe’s! No one listens to me.
Columbus: [Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume; Tallahassee turns around and glares at Columbus] Okay. Let me begin my three-part apology by saying that I think you’re a wonderful human, with great potential. Tallahassee: It’s okay...but FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than…
Bill Murray: You are staring at me. It’s a hairpiece! It’s a piece. Wichita: It’s—I’m sorry. No, it’s just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van Halen. Bill Murray: I just saw Eddie Van Halen. Wichita: Nuh-uh. Tallahassee: Really? Bill Murray: Yeah. Wichita: Wow. Tallahassee: Where? Bill Murray:…
Little Rock: Have you heard about Pacific Playland? There are no zombies there. Columbus: The amusement park? Little Rock: Yep! Tallahassee: That place totally blows! [Little Rock and Wichita shoot Tallahassee angry looks] ...my mind. Just fun for the whole family.
Columbus: You know there’s a place untouched by all this crap? Tallahassee: Back East, yeah? Columbus: Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing? Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it’s back East. Back east, they hear it’s out West. It’s all just nonsense. You know, you’re like a penguin on the North Pole…
[Columbus kisses Wichita] Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck.
[Searching for Twinkies] Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?
Tallahassee: Bill Murray, you’re a zombie? [Wichita hits Bill in his back with a golf club] Bill Murray: [cries in pain] Ow, I’m on fire! Ouch! Tallahassee: You’re not a zombie, you’re talking and...you’re okay? Bill Murray: The hell I am. Wichita: I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was...it was ‘you’ you.…
[to Columbus] You’re thinking about fucking Wichita! [ignores Columbus’s taken-aback ‘no’ gesture] Hey, wish granted. She’s spent the last twenty-four hours fucking us both.
Columbus: Take away a man’s son, you’ve truly given him nothing left to lose. Tallahassee: I haven’t cried like that since Titanic.
Tallahassee: [discovers Hostess truck filled with Sno-Balls] Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where’s the fucking Twinkies? Columbus: I love Sno-Balls. Tallahassee: I hate coconut. Not the taste, consistency. Columbus: [eats a Sno-Ball] Fresh. Tallahassee: Oh, this Twinkie thing, it ain’t over yet.