“Heather Vandergeld: Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills.

Megan Vandergeld: It’s the Beverly Ho-Billies.

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Squeeze me?

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh no, you didn’t?

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I’m sorry, but uhm...we just saw your new video. Yea, they had a screening over at Saks Fifth Avenue in the security office. [laughs]

Marcus Copeland: A klept-ho-maniac! [laughs]

Megan Vandergeld: [arrogantly] Your mother shops at Saks.

Marcus Copeland: [indignantly as Tiffany Wilson] What? [the Vandergeld sisters proudly do siss-fingers]

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It’s mother time, okay! Your mother’s so dumb she went to Dr. Dre for a Pap smear! ‘Something’s wrong, Dr. Dre! My coochie’s doing a beatbox!’

Heather Vandergeld: Well, yeah? Your mother’s so stupid she exercises when she could just get like, liposuction or something!

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson]: Your mother’s so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this: [blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh]

Heather Vandergeld: Your mother is so, like...she’s so...[to Megan]…Megan, you go!

Megan Vandergeld: Your mother is so stupid that she goes to Barney’s Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a ‘ni-coise’ salad. ‘Ni-coise’ salad, right?

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother’s ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King’s about to pop out and say, ‘Only in America!’”