“Look King Kong. Why don’t you take you and your ‘1980 pick-up lines’, climb all the way up to the top of the Empire State Building, beat on your big old monkey chest, and then jump off? Excuse me.”Tagged: king kong, 1980s, Empire State Building
“Lisa: I’m Carnie Wilson before my gastric bypass surgery. Kevin Copeland: This one goes with your skin tone. Lisa: Somebody throw Shamu back in the ocean. [shouts] Whoo.”Tagged: Shamu, Carnie Wilson, Skin Tone, Gastric Bypass Surgery
“Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Sweetie! You’ve got to slow up with those cosmos! Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Tee-hee! Oh, fine.”Tagged: Drag
“Hi, I’m Cellulite Sally; look at my huge ba-donkey. Don’t forget about me, I’m Backfat Betty. Now who could have said that? Oh yeah, it’s Tina the Talking Tummy. [cries] I can’t even wear a short skirt and a top without looking like a fat pig.”Tagged: cellulite, back fat, Pig
“I don’t see why I gotta go out with Buffy the White Girl Slayer.”Tagged: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, White Girls, Anti-White
“Marcus Copeland: [Marcus emerges from the boot of the car, covered in the Wilson Sisters’ luggage] Man! You guys sure got a lot of bags for a weekend! Brittany Wilson: [scoffs] This isn’t a weekend! Tiffany Wilson: It’s the weekend! Brittany Wilson: Labor Day in The Hamptons. The last weekend of the…”Tagged: Hamptons, labor day, Private Jet, Cheating
“Tiffany Wilson: [Tiffany is reading the Hamptons newspaper and sees a picture of them in the paper] Oh my God! Brittany? Brittany Wilson: What? Tiffany Wilson: [shows Brittany the picture] We’re on page 6! Brittany Wilson: No! Tiffany Wilson: Yeah! Brittany Wilson: No! Tiffany Wilson: Yeah! Brittany…”Tagged: Hamptons, Cloning
“Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Brittany and Tiffany Wilson, checking in! [slams into postcard and knickknack holder, scattering items *loudly* across reception desk with his fake breasts] Kevin Copeland: Sorry, um, they’re new. Dr. Dorfman did an amazing job. Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany…”Tagged: Breast Implants
“Kevin Copeland: [the Wilson Sisters get off the private jet, walk over to the arrival terminal, and meet Kevin and Marcus] Hi, I’m Kevin Copeland... Tiffany Wilson: [rolling her eyes, looking at them] We already gave to the United Negro Fund! Brittany Wilson: Yeah! [They continue walking] Marcus…”Tagged: United Negro College Fund, Colonic, Poop
“Agent Jake Harper: Hi. I, I, um...I need a credit card, please. And, and some I.D., please. Kevin Copeland: [‘Brittany’ takes ‘her’ I.D. out of ‘her’ handbag and realizes it has Kevin’s information and photo on. ‘She’ quickly thinks and acts offended] Credit card? I.D.? I’m so freakin’ pissed! First…”Tagged: Pissed, Nose Job, Shrek , Gwyneth Paltrow
“Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] [Brittney comes the dressing room with an outfit] Kevin Copeland: How about this? Lisa: [Sobbing] You bitch, that’s so terrible! Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] OK I’m going to go get help OK, you need professional help. Lisa: [Sobbing] OK! OK! Kevin…”Tagged: Bitch, Professional Help, Dr. Phil
“Megan Vandergeld: [realizing her father’s hostage kidnapping plot, and he is the kidnapper] Daddy! Why are you doing this? Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson, but in his regular voice] Daddy didn’t tell you? He’s broke! Heather Vandergeld: [confused] What do you mean ‘broke’? Like, Martha Stewart…”Tagged: broke, MC Hammer, Martha Stewart
“Kevin Copeland: Forget him, Marcus. We can do this ourselves. Look, all we gotta is if, if, if... Marcus Copeland: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. ‘We?’ Kevin, this ain’t about ‘we.’ It’s never been. It’s about you. You come up with some stupid idea and I’m dumb enough to go along with it. And look…”Tagged: Shit, dumb
“Kevin Copeland: I’m gonna have a BF! Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she’s gonna have a bitch fit! Hotel Clerk: No, don’t d-d-d-don’t have a, a, a BF now. Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I’m gonna write a letter! Marcus Copeland: You are in big trouble! Kevin Copeland:…”Tagged: BF, Bitch Fit, White Woman, America
“Kevin Copeland: [chasing and tackling Purse Snatcher] Gimme that. Purse Snatcher: Jesus, lady! All this for just a handbag? Kevin Copeland: It’s not ‘just’ a handbag. It’s Prada.”Tagged: Handbag, prada, Purse Snatching
“These starving kids in Africa make me so sad. They don’t even have to try to be skinny.”Tagged: Starving Kids Africa