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Catalog

Xavier Cook

23 quotes

All Pissed (2)Hamptons (2)Racial Stereotypes (2)prada (1)negro (1)labor day (1)Handbag (1)Dr. Phil (1)Breast Implants (1)Starving Kids Africa (1)cellulite (1)Bitch (1)back fat (1)Purse Snatching (1)1980s (1)

From “White Chicks”

Triple T.K.A. Time to totally kick ass.

TKA Totally Kick Ass

Look King Kong. Why don’t you take you and your ‘1980 pick-up lines’, climb all the way up to the top of the Empire State Building, beat on your big old monkey chest, and then jump off? Excuse me.

king kong 1980s Empire State Building

Lisa: I’m Carnie Wilson before my gastric bypass surgery. Kevin Copeland: This one goes with your skin tone. Lisa: Somebody throw Shamu back in the ocean. [shouts] Whoo.

Shamu Carnie Wilson Skin Tone Gastric Bypass Surgery

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Sweetie! You’ve got to slow up with those cosmos! Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Tee-hee! Oh, fine.

Drag

Hi, I’m Cellulite Sally; look at my huge ba-donkey. Don’t forget about me, I’m Backfat Betty. Now who could have said that? Oh yeah, it’s Tina the Talking Tummy. [cries] I can’t even wear a short skirt and a top without looking like a fat pig.

cellulite back fat Pig

Take good care of him, oh, and teach him how to say ‘Yo quiero Taco Bell.’ Kay?

Taco Bell

I don’t see why I gotta go out with Buffy the White Girl Slayer.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer White Girls Anti-White

I am so...frick-in’...pissed.

Pissed frickin

Marcus Copeland: [Marcus emerges from the boot of the car, covered in the Wilson Sisters’ luggage] Man! You guys sure got a lot of bags for a weekend! Brittany Wilson: [scoffs] This isn’t a weekend! Tiffany Wilson: It’s the weekend! Brittany Wilson: Labor Day in The Hamptons. The last weekend of the…

Hamptons labor day Private Jet Cheating

Tiffany Wilson: [Tiffany is reading the Hamptons newspaper and sees a picture of them in the paper] Oh my God! Brittany? Brittany Wilson: What? Tiffany Wilson: [shows Brittany the picture] We’re on page 6! Brittany Wilson: No! Tiffany Wilson: Yeah! Brittany Wilson: No! Tiffany Wilson: Yeah! Brittany…

Hamptons Cloning

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Brittany and Tiffany Wilson, checking in! [slams into postcard and knickknack holder, scattering items *loudly* across reception desk with his fake breasts] Kevin Copeland: Sorry, um, they’re new. Dr. Dorfman did an amazing job. Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany…

Breast Implants

Kevin Copeland: [the Wilson Sisters get off the private jet, walk over to the arrival terminal, and meet Kevin and Marcus] Hi, I’m Kevin Copeland... Tiffany Wilson: [rolling her eyes, looking at them] We already gave to the United Negro Fund! Brittany Wilson: Yeah! [They continue walking] Marcus…

United Negro College Fund Colonic Poop

Agent Jake Harper: Hi. I, I, um...I need a credit card, please. And, and some I.D., please. Kevin Copeland: [‘Brittany’ takes ‘her’ I.D. out of ‘her’ handbag and realizes it has Kevin’s information and photo on. ‘She’ quickly thinks and acts offended] Credit card? I.D.? I’m so freakin’ pissed! First…

Pissed Nose Job Shrek Gwyneth Paltrow

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] [Brittney comes the dressing room with an outfit] Kevin Copeland: How about this? Lisa: [Sobbing] You bitch, that’s so terrible! Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] OK I’m going to go get help OK, you need professional help. Lisa: [Sobbing] OK! OK! Kevin…

Bitch Professional Help Dr. Phil

Megan Vandergeld: [realizing her father’s hostage kidnapping plot, and he is the kidnapper] Daddy! Why are you doing this? Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson, but in his regular voice] Daddy didn’t tell you? He’s broke! Heather Vandergeld: [confused] What do you mean ‘broke’? Like, Martha Stewart…

broke MC Hammer Martha Stewart

Kevin Copeland: Forget him, Marcus. We can do this ourselves. Look, all we gotta is if, if, if... Marcus Copeland: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. ‘We?’ Kevin, this ain’t about ‘we.’ It’s never been. It’s about you. You come up with some stupid idea and I’m dumb enough to go along with it. And look…

Shit dumb

Kevin Copeland: I’m gonna have a BF! Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she’s gonna have a bitch fit! Hotel Clerk: No, don’t d-d-d-don’t have a, a, a BF now. Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I’m gonna write a letter! Marcus Copeland: You are in big trouble! Kevin Copeland:…

BF Bitch Fit White Woman America

Kevin Copeland: [chasing and tackling Purse Snatcher] Gimme that. Purse Snatcher: Jesus, lady! All this for just a handbag? Kevin Copeland: It’s not ‘just’ a handbag. It’s Prada.

Handbag prada Purse Snatching

Once you go black, you gonna need a wheelchair.

Racial Stereotypes

These starving kids in Africa make me so sad. They don’t even have to try to be skinny.

Starving Kids Africa

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