Season 1

“I can't compete with your mother's turkey Ray, the woman has giblets in her blood!”

— Lew Schneider, Steve Skrovan, Debra Barone, Patricia Heaton, imdb.com

“In many countries people eat cats.”

— Lew Schneider, Steve Skrovan, Frank Barone, Peter Boyle, imdb.com

“Debra: Oh nothing at all, except Ray was just about to tell Ally the truth about Santa Claus. Marie: You what?!?! Ray: NO, I didn't tell her. Marie: My own son, an atheist?!?!”

— Stephen Nathan, Marie Barone, Doris Roberts, imdb.com

“Hold the ho's, I want to talk to you for a minute.”

— Stephen Nathan, Ray Barone, Ray Romano, imdb.com

“You want to know the meaning of life? You're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die.”

— Ray Romano, Frank Barone, Peter Boyle, imdb.com

“So God made us smart enough to know there's an answer, but not smart enough to figure it out?”

— Ray Romano, Ray Barone, Ray Romano, imdb.com

“Marie: Oooh, all of a sudden you have scruples. Frank: I have scruples Marie. I've got scruples the size of basketballs.”

— Kathy Ann Stumpe, Frank Barone, Peter Boyle, imdb.com

“Mommy is just wrestling daddy.”

— Stephen Nathan, Debra Barone, Patricia Heaton, imdb.com

“Debra: You know I gave up some stuff when we had kids. Ray: I know...did it have to be sex?”

— Tucker Cawley, Ray Barone, Ray Romano, imdb.com

“Debra, calm down. You're reacting to missing squash like the time we left Ally at the mall!”

— Lew Schneider, Steve Skrovan, Ray Barone, Ray Romano, imdb.com

“It's the celery that makes 'tuna salad' tuna salad. What you gave me was tuna slop!”

— Jeremy Stevens, Frank Barone, Peter Boyle, imdb.com

“I've got the complete works of Arnold Schwarzenegger, except the one where he gets pregnant.”

— Jeremy Stevens, Frank Barone, Peter Boyle, imdb.com

“This is Debra, the little lady. I don't mean little in a size way, or that she doesn't matter. She's my lady. She's my great big lady.”

— Tucker Cawley, Lew Schneider, Ray Barone, Ray Romano, imdb.com

“Ray: You know I read somewhere where the happiest marriages are the ones where the man is smarter. Debra: Oh, guess who wrote that...”

— Steve Skrovan, Debra Barone, Patricia Heaton, imdb.com

“You know that shampoo that says 'no more tears' on the bottle? There's tears.”

— Philip Rosenthal, Robert Barone, Brad Garrett, imdb.com

“Ray: Listen dad, when was the last time you said I love you to someone? Frank: What? Do you live in a freaking fairyland?”

— Philip Rosenthal, Frank Barone, Peter Boyle, imdb.com

“The movies? Some people get to live it up.”

— Philip Rosenthal, Marie Barone, Doris Roberts, imdb.com

“I'm sucking the youth!”

— Philip Rosenthal, Frank Barone, Peter Boyle, imdb.com

“Everybody loves Raymond. I go to work people shoot at me, Ray goes to work and people do the wave. Then he sits down, has a hotdog, doodles on a piece of paper and they give him a trophy.”

— Philip Rosenthal, Robert Barone, Brad Garrett, imdb.com

“I can't talk, there's too much fruit in the house.”

— Philip Rosenthal, Marie Barone, Doris Roberts, imdb.com