Season 1

“Ricky Ricardo: Listen, Professor, can you play that thin'? Lucy Ricardo: What thin? Ricky Ricardo: Never mind makin' fun of my English. Lucy Ricardo: That's English?”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Lucy Ricardo, Lucille Ball, imdb.com

“Lucy Ricardo: Y'know, I've been thinking about shows like Burns and Allen. George Burns uses his wife on the show. Why don't you? Ricky Ricardo: I'd love to! Do you think she would leave George?”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Lucy Ricardo, Lucille Ball, imdb.com

“Lucy Ricardo: Hello, I'm looking for Risky Riskardo. Ricky Ricardo: Oh, well I'm Ricky Ricardo. Lucy Ricardo: Oh nice to meet you, do you know where I can find Risky Riskardo?”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Lucy Ricardo, Lucille Ball, imdb.com

“Now, Ricky, listen to me, please, listen to me! That's what they asked me to do at the radio program in order to win that thousand dollars, and I came home and I tried to do it, and I don't know who that first man was, but I was never married to him, and this is the man from the program, and he's my…”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Lucy Ricardo, Lucille Ball, imdb.com

“Ricky Ricardo: She seems to have some idea that I'm going to kill her. Fred Mertz: That doesn't mean anything. Sooner or later, every married woman decides that her husband wants to kill her. She's usually right.”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Bob Carroll, Fred Mertz, William Frawley, imdb.com

“Ricky Ricardo: Lucy's acting crazy! Fred Mertz: Crazy for Lucy or crazy for ordinary people?”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Bob Carroll, Fred Mertz, William Frawley, imdb.com

“Ethel Mertz: What if I cried every time I put on a pound? Fred Mertz: We'd be up to our ears in tears.”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Fred Mertz, William Frawley, imdb.com

“I'm going to get rid of this fat if I have to chop it off with a cleaver.”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Lucy Ricardo, Lucille Ball, imdb.com

“Fred Mertz: Hey Rick, are you doing anything Monday night? Ricky Ricardo: I don't think so. It's my night off, why? Fred Mertz: I'd like you to join me in commemoration of an 18-year-old tragedy. Ricky Ricardo: What do you mean? Fred Mertz: Well, it's our wedding anniversary. Ricky Ricardo: Oh, you…”

— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Ricky Ricardo, Desi Arnaz, imdb.com