Season 1

“I’m officially losing my mind, which is perfect. Now I will be alone and crazy, the famous mad divorcée of the upper West Side.”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“I loved him. And I showed him I loved him.”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“All that shit they say about Jewish girls in the bedroom? Not true. There are French whores standing around the Marais District saying [French accent], “Did you hear what Midge did to Joel’s balls the other night?””

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“He packed up my suitcase and left.”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“Oh, I’m going to have to lie to the rabbi about why Joel’s not there. Lying to the rabbi on Yom Kippur! I couldn’t get a clean slate for one fucking day”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“You go explain Yom Kippur to gentiles. We’re happy, but we’re starving. It’s New Years, but we’re guilty.”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Moishe Maisel, Kevin Pollak, imdb.com

“He brought them here and stuck them in his factory! Is he paying these poor people? Are their toilets for them? I’ve seen their faces! I can’t be sure of this, but one of them has a look like, 'I should’ve taken my chances back in Germany!'”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Abe Weinberg, Tony Shalhoub, imdb.com

“Like, it’s Adam and Eve time, and I marry Adam’s son, Cain. We get a nice little place, we’re very happy, and then one day Cain leaves me for, I don’t know, his brother Abel, because there’s only four fucking people on the planet at this point! And then Adam, Adam takes my house and tells me to do j…”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“See, my life completely fell apart today, and here’s why. My father-in-law owns my house. And he took it back when his son left me. Actually, that doesn’t sound funny at all.”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“Tell Ethan I’ll pick him up tomorrow. Don’t baptize him while I’m gone.”

— Sheila Lawrence, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“You said you didn’t want our life. But this is our life. You didn’t go somewhere exotic or different, you went across the fucking street”

— Sheila Lawrence, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“So this is what you were missing Joel? Pot roast and Santa Claus?”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“I don’t have my apartment anymore. You have my apartment. You have a lot of my things, actually. You’re welcome.”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“You know, it’s funny. I thought I’d find you squatting in some downtown smoke-filled atelier, not two blocks away, living the Methodist version of our life.”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“For Christmas, a gentile would get a bike as a reminder that their parents love them. For Hanukkah, we would get socks as a reminder that we were persecuted.”

— Sheila Lawrence, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“Me, personally, I was never great at gift-giving. Maybe it’s because I never got to celebrate Christmas. I got Hanukkah. Doesn’t exactly prepare you the same way.”

— Sheila Lawrence, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“Rose has a mezuzah. You have a mezuzah. It’s not shoes — you can’t just change them out every season.”

— Sheila Lawrence, Astrid Weissman, Justine Lupe, imdb.com

“It looks like it ate all the other mezuzahs.”

— Sheila Lawrence, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“That is a girl that you have on the side, Joel. It’s not a girl you marry. You don’t introduce her to your fucking parents.”

— Daniel Palladino, Moishe Maisel, Kevin Pollak, imdb.com

“Shiksas are for practice.”

— Daniel Palladino, Moishe Maisel, Kevin Pollak, imdb.com