“Chicago is superior to cities such as Boston, which had no urban planning whatsoever and whose streets resemble a bowl of spaghetti. Being eaten by Satan.”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“It is widely accepted in current times that newborn babies are a Cthulhu level of ugly.”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“Acknowledgement form a dude-object-of-desire is the brain chemical equivalent of snorting heroin while water-skiing with a litter of puppies.”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“Since I was very young, my mom has told me I have “champagne tastes.” This meant that I preferred the non-clearance clothing racks at KMart.”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“With any luck, you’ll find a good pack that will protect you, howl with you, and toss you a scrap of dead possum meat from the side of the road.”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“On the Midwest: People call us the heart of America; we pride ourselves on being real, salt of the earth folks who help each other out, swap creamed corn recipes, have euchre tournaments, and debate good-naturedly over who makes the best deep dish pizza. (Seriously, only tourists eat that shit.)”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“The world currently expects us to look like a Kardashian-Jenner, with perfectly symmetrical facial features and the hip-waist ratio of a sexy flamingo.”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“After decades of practice, I have become a champion ruminator. There is no rational argument I cannot outworry. Someday, Individual Freestyle Worrying will become an Olympic sport and it will all pay off.”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“If I can put on my old lady hat for a moment, I will say that teens spend too much time on screens and not enough time making out behind Sbarro dumpsters. Oral herpes rates have dropped to a disturbing all-time low!”— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com
“My mother insisted we stay true to our Spanish heritage so my first words are *knock knock* Housekeeping.”— Bianca Del Rio, imdb.com
“Ms. Benitez: Oh! Steve! Look at you all dressed up. Coach Steve: Well, it’s a special day! Ms. Benitez: And you’re a special guy. Coach Steve: And I’d kill anyone for you! Ms. Benitez: Well, that’s not necessary… Coach Steve: Oh, that’s a relief, because I’d do it, but it would weigh on me.”— Kelly Galuska, Coach Steve, Nick Kroll, imdb.com
“Shame Wizard: You truly are an enigma. Coach Steve: You're not supposed to say that word anymore.”— Joe Wengert, Coach Steve, Nick Kroll, imdb.com
“Jenna Bilzerian: Steve, do you ever get lonely? Coach Steve: Of course not. I remain lonely.”— Joe Wengert, Coach Steve, Nick Kroll, imdb.com
“There're two kinds of men on Wall Street: standard and poor.”— Dan Dietz, Alison Jeffers, Elisabeth Röhm, imdb.com
“I really like Andy these days. He's pretend, and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown.”— Bryan Cranston, Dwight Schrute, Rainn Wilson, imdb.com
“Pam Beesly: Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail? Jim Halpert: I think I'm a little too busy these days to s— Oh, my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail.”— Bryan Cranston, Jim Halpert, John Krasinski, imdb.com
“Oscar Martinez: I am dying to know what's in there. Andy Bernard: Yeah, I know Oscar; we all are, but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane. Creed Bratton: Hi, hello.”— Randall Einhorn, Creed Bratton, Creed Bratton, imdb.com
“Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.”— Warren Lieberstein, Kelly Kapoor, Mindy Kaling, imdb.com
“Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.”— Daniel Chun, Stanley Hudson, Leslie David Baker, imdb.com