“The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches.”— Antonin Scalia, nytimes.com
“Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.”— Daniel Waters, Pauline Fleming, Penelope Milford, amazon.com
“Nick Andopolis: Can you ever not be sarcastic? Ken Miller: [sarcastically] I'm sarcastic?”— Gabe Sachs, Jeff Judah, Patty Lin, Nick Andopolis, Jason Segel, imdb.com
“Are you calling me irrational? Because I'll tear your head off, Daniel. I'll tear it off, and I'll throw it over that fence.”— Rebecca Kirshner, Judd Apatow, Rebecca Rand Kirshner, Kim Kelly, Busy Philipps, imdb.com
“I don't really like jokes. I don't think they're funny.”— Bob Nickman, Bill Haverchuck, Martin Starr, imdb.com
“Last time I had this much fun, I was pinned down in a foxhole by the North Koreans.”— Paul Feig, Harold Weir, Joe Flaherty, imdb.com
“You could not be any more wrong. You could try, but you would not be successful.”— Ira Ungerleider, Ross Geller, David Schwimmer, imdb.com
“Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian. Susan Bunch: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.”— Jeff Greenstein, Jeff Strauss, Ross Geller, David Schwimmer, imdb.com
“Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it!”— Marta Kauffman, David Crane, Monica Geller, Courteney Cox, imdb.com
“My problem is I've been too fucking generous and I haven't been selfish enough.”— Gordon Ramsay, theguardian.com
“Your struggle is an inspiration to all of us. Here are your Gucci loafers.”— John Hoffman, Grace Hanson, Jane Fonda, imdb.com
“Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven...'cause it hasn't!”— Michael Maltese, Bugs Bunny, Mel Blanc, youtube.com
“Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.”— Michael Maltese, Bugs Bunny, Mel Blanc, imdb.com
“Up until the punching, it was a real nice party.”— Jane Espenson, Joss Whedon, Kaylee Frye, Jewel Staite, imdb.com
“Fun? Right. I, uh...I consider this fun. It’s fun being forced to the ass end of the galaxy... to get to live on a piece of crappy wreck...and eat molded protein, and be bullied around by our...stubborn martinet of a captain. That’s fun.”— Drew Z. Greenberg, Joss Whedon, imdb.com
“Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed.”— Joss Whedon, Zoë Washburne, Gina Torres, imdb.com
“Why didn't you say this to me when I was alive?”— Diana Son, Hannah Baker, Katherine Langford, imdb.com
“[about a serial killer] He sure likes his blondes. Not a good date, though—too stabby.”— Simon Mirren, imdb.com
“We need to treat her like a real chick and force her to love us.”— John Carcieri, Adam DeMamp, Adam DeVine, imdb.com