“Wow. That designated driver's pretty hot. I'd like to get her drunk.”Tagged: Designated Driver, Drunk, Hot
“Sam Weir: What am I gonna say to Cindy? Bill Haverchuck: Don't say anything. Be dominant. It's all, all about dominance. I saw this monkey show on PBS, if you talk to her first, it's a sign of weakness and she will not pick you to be her mate. Sam Weir: Are you drunk? Bill Haverchuck: I think so,…”Tagged: dominant, Drunk, monkeys, PBS, Weakness
“Bill Haverchuck: I just hope I get candy I can eat. I'm allergic to peanuts, licorice, and nougat. Neal Schweiber: How can you possibly be allergic to nougat? [Sam laughs] Bill Haverchuck: I don't know. My doctor says I'm allergic to more things than anyone he's ever seen.”Tagged: Allergies, Nougat, Peanuts, Licorice
“Alan White: Shut up, you little girl. Bill Haverchuck: I'm not a little girl, I'm a bionic woman.”Tagged: Little Girl, Bionic Woman, Cross Dressing, Halloween Costumes
“[prank calling] Fredericks? You're a turd. A stinky f-fat turd. Go sniff a jock strap, you poop head. You love patting boys' butts. You love patting boys' butts. Butt...you butt-patter! You're a perv and a loser... and a stinky...t-turd! [hangs up]”Tagged: Fredericks of Hollywood, Prank Calls, Jock Strap, Butts, Loser
“Bill Haverchuck: You remember when we said we'd tell each other everything? Neal Schweiber: Yeah. Bill Haverchuck: Did you mean it? Neal Schweiber: Of course. Bill Haverchuck: Even if it's something really, really horrible? I mean, it might not be horrible, 'cause it might not be true, but if it is…”Tagged: Secrets
“Remember that time in science class when I tried to sneak out a fart but it came out a poop? And then I had to flush my undies down the toilet? Do you think I wanted to tell you guys that?”Tagged: Science Class, Shart, Sharting, Fart, Gross