“Lassiter: First question. What is your name? Shawn: There is a murderer on the loose. Lassiter: That is not your name.”— Steve Franks, Carlton Lassiter, Timothy Omundson, imdb.com
“Lassiter: She's obviously meeting a new boy toy. Maybe one even younger than the last. Gus: Younger? Who do you think she's meeting with, Justin Bieber?”— Andy Berman, Burton 'Gus' Guster, Dule Hill, imdb.com
“Gus: I've seen it all. Shawn: You've seen it all though the cracks in your fingers while you were hiding your eyes.”— Tim Meltreger, Steve Franks, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com
“Shawn: I'm just saying, technology is way overrated. Gus: That's interesting-- just yesterday you told me you intend on having your wedding in space.”— Kell Cahoon, Burton 'Gus' Guster, Dule Hill, imdb.com
“Henry: Well, that's a stupid house to rob. Shawn: Does anyone live up to your expectations? Maybe we should get the robber's phone number so you can call and tell him how disappointed you are.”— Tami Sagher, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com
“[Speaking to his family] Well you guys we did it. We finally went to a restaurant without somebody yelling at us, and the rest of the place applauding them.”— Patrick Meighan, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“[Speaking to Brian] How does it feel to be the least cultured person at a bus station?”— Steve Callaghan, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Trust me, you're banging 8 strangers who responded to a flyer. At some point you're going to look out a window and question every decision you've ever made.”— Ted Jessup, Glenn Quagmire, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Lois Griffin: Stewie, hold my hand. Stewie Griffin: No, thank you, I prefer to die giving you the finger.”— Seth MacFarlane, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“What they do turns out to be alright, it's what you're about to do that unleashes utter bedlam!”— Mark Hentemann, Seth MacFarlane, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Sometimes in life, you just have to accept what's coming to you. Like the contestant who gets the lesser showcase on ''The Price is Right''.”— Gary Janetti, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“I guess we've learned that no matter who you are or where you come from, life is a terrible thing.”— Steve Callaghan, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: [before Han is lowered into the carbon-freezing pit] I love you. Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Fuck off.”— Kirker Butler, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Stewie Griffin: I just realized something. Tomorrow is Sunday. Brian Griffin: [looks up] fuck!”— Gary Janetti, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Brian Griffin: So, had a little trouble up there on stage, huh? Stewie Griffin: What do you mean? Brian Griffin: I mean crying and wetting yourself, you looked ridiculous. Stewie Griffin: You know what? I'm gonna buy a cake when you're dead.”— Chris Sheridan, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: We have 3 boys for Family Feud. Meg Griffin: But I'm not a... Peter Griffin: Shut up, Greg.”— Brian Scully, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“It was beauty that killed the beast.”— Cherry Chevapravatdumrong, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“I'm young, I'm all dressed up, I'm on my way to marry the woman I love, and there's 290 years separating me from the films of Kevin Smith.”— Wellesley Wild, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“[to Meg] If there was a God would He give you a smokin' hot mom like Lois and then have you grow up looking like Peter?”— Danny Smith, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com