Latest Quotes

“The only thing you ever cared about, Stoney, was nugs, chillin', and grindage.”

— Shawn Schepps, Dave Morgan, Sean Astin, Encino Man

“Stoney: [a car horn is heard] Your parents! Dave: My parents! Link: AHH.”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“Stoney: Far too much responsibility for me, anyways, I'm already popular! Dave: Yeah, you travel in large groups of one, Stoney.”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“Dave: Matt Wilson? I mean, what a jerk! What does she see in him, anyway? Stoney: Well, he's got the buff spikes chillin' on top of his melon, obviously, right?—dude, he's checking her cheeks! oh oh!—he's got the serious beak, and his own personal holding company full of fundage, bro, that he weases…”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“I hope he doesn't gnaw on our beaks.”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“[after Link enters the driver’s seat of the Student Driver Car] Oh God, Rad Mobile.”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“Stoney: Look, Dave, you're gonna have to just mellow out, bro, on this whole Robyn thing, she always shines you. Dave: You don't understand; we have history. Stoney: Hey, you had history: pre-freshman history. Could've had her back then, man. Dave: She hadn't hit babehood yet.”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“Dave: He melted... Stoney: Dave, it wasn't meant to happen. Come on, I'll go buy you some Ho-Ho's.”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“Stoney: Um, Robyn Sweeney, bro? She's not going to the prom with you, man. I wish she would, but she's really not. Dave: What are you talking about? Robyn Sweeney is mine. She's become a major babe, and she loves me. Stoney: She finds you crusty, Dave. Dave: I'll convince her! She'll see the truth.…”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“If you're edged 'cause I'm weazin' all your grindage, just chill. 'Cause if I had the whole Brady Bunch thing happenin' at my pad, I'd go grind over there, so don’t tax my gig so hardcore, cruster.”

— Shawn Schepps, Stoney Brown, Pauly Shore, Encino Man

“The researchers found that while water -- both still and sparkling --does a pretty good job of quickly hydrating the body, beverages with a little bit of sugar, fat or protein do an even better job of keeping us hydrated for longer.”

— Lisa Drayer, Which Drink Is Best For Hydration? Hint

“Lisa Farber: All men are pigs. Prymatt Conehead: Ah, pigs. An omnivorous domesticated cloven-hooved vertebrate that defecates in the same place it consumes. Lisa Farber: Exactly.”

— Tom Davis, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Prymatt Conehead, Jane Curtin, Coneheads

“Connie: How can it take so long to do a simple alignment on an American sedan with standard rack-and-pinion steering and MacPherson struts when your garage is equipped with the proper Borg-Warner digital hydraulic radiometer? Ronnie: Maybe because I was out back finishing a beer.”

— Tom Davis, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Connie Conehead, Michelle Burke, Coneheads

“Connie: I think I'll have some Tang. Prymatt Conehead: Ah, Tang, the drink astronauts took to the moon. Beldar Conehead: Astronauts to the moon? [Beldar and Prymatt laugh]”

— Tom Davis, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Beldar Conehead, Dan Aykroyd, Coneheads

“I was a young cone myself once. Before I met Beldar, I was very attracted to a young Thorasian forger. And I far as I was concerned there was no other life force in the universe that mattered. But then he got a job working at a volcano complex on some moon in the Petulaus Cluster. I never saw him ag…”

— Tom Davis, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Prymatt Conehead, Jane Curtin, Coneheads

“You know, Connie, I read in a magazine that you can talk to me about anything.”

— Tom Davis, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Prymatt Conehead, Jane Curtin, Coneheads

“[to Connie after they return to Earth] Your positive perception of me is vital to my existence. Besides, it is not every day a father can give the world to his child.”

— Tom Davis, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Beldar Conehead, Dan Aykroyd, Coneheads

“If, for some reason your life functions ceased, my most precious one, I would collapse, I would draw the shades and I would live in the dark. I would never get out of my slar pad or clean myself. My fluids would coagulate, my cone would shrivel, and I would die, miserable and lonely. The stench woul…”

— Tom Davis, Dan Aykroyd, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Beldar Conehead, Dan Aykroyd, Coneheads

“Ronnie: Yeah, my grandfather's from the ‘Old Country.’ Connie: Oh really, which one? Ronnie: I'm not sure. One of the big ones.”

— Tom Davis, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Connie Conehead, Michelle Burke, Coneheads

“Prymatt Conehead: He was behaving like a flarndip? Connie: [Confused] Flarndip? Prymatt Conehead: A masher, a hustler, an uninvited grasper of cone. Beldar Conehead: [Overhears this and is irate] FLARNDIP?”

— Tom Davis, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, Beldar Conehead, Dan Aykroyd, Coneheads