Latest Quotes

“I'm bored of being the problem.”

— Liz Doran, Hannah Gadsby, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Rose, Debra Lawrance, Ham

“Sex is meant to make people feel like quite nice.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Milk

“Vice Media LLC is cutting staff at its cable channel Viceland, part of a broader reorganization intended to sharpen its focus on news programming, according to people familiar with the matter.”

— Sahil Patel and Benjamin Mullin, Vice Media Trims Staff at Viceland in Pivot Toward News

“Do you have the brain capacity to understand love?”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Milk

“It's just that everyone's terrified all the time.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Rose, Debra Lawrance, Milk

“I just don't think I love her as much as I'm meant to love her.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Milk

“I think maybe the reason people don't respond to you well in night clubs is because of your sad-as shit face.”

— Thomas Ward, Liz Doran, Josh Thomas, Tom, Thomas Ward, Milk

“I don't know why, I told my dad that my imaginary friend touched me.”

— Thomas Ward, Liz Doran, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Milk

“You're only into me when you're feeling needy and alone.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Geoffrey, Wade Briggs, Horrible Sandwiches

“You know what they say about Harleys and hemorrhoids? Sooner or later every asshole gets one.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Alan, David Roberts, Horrible Sandwiches

“I love putting food on trays. Please, let me put food on trays.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Spanish Eggs

“Geoffrey: And I want to give you all of me, the best parts and the worst. Josh: Why do I have to put up with the worst parts?”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Spanish Eggs

“She bamboozled you by talking about periods. That's very cunning.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Spanish Eggs

“Excuse me, sir! I've seen your wang!”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Spanish Eggs

“I'm depressed. I don't vacuum.”

— Liz Doran, Josh Thomas, Thomas Ward, Rose, Debra Lawrance, Spanish Eggs

“I'm scared of surprises.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Spanish Eggs

“I became distant to everyone who loved me, and I was hiding behind a shell of a person that I had become.”

— Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Spills His Heart Out About His Heavy Drug Use

“The thing that freaks me out about having a kid is that you could get one and it could be shit. It could be a douche. Then you have to spend the next 18 years pretending to love it.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Tom, Thomas Ward, All You Can Eat

“Do you need a man who likes fish and chips?”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, All You Can Eat

“Dad, I don't think the amount of sport you play as a child is in direct ratio to the men who enjoy kissing boys.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Portuguese Custard Tarts