Latest Quotes

“Coming out, to me, just seems so '90s, you know?”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Portuguese Custard Tarts

“Good luck getting through one day without me.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Niamh, Nikita Leigh-Pritchard, Portuguese Custard Tarts

“It's like a hippie threatening to punch you in your aura.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Portuguese Custard Tarts

“There's nothing like a call from your dad to make your erection go away.”

— Liz Doran, Josh Thomas, Thomas Ward, Josh, Josh Thomas, French Toast

“I just really think I'm going to miss vaginas. They just- They just make so much sense, Tom, you know? So nifty.”

— Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, French Toast

“She's mentally ill. She's not saving up for a Game Boy.”

— Josh Thomas, Thomas Ward, Liz Doran, Josh, Josh Thomas, French Toast

“Josh: I'm almost definitely gonna be Young Australian of the Year for this. Tom: More like Young Dick-face of the Year.”

— Josh Thomas, Tom, Thomas Ward, Rhubarb and Custard

“I don't know how to do caring. I don't even know how to care for myself. I never floss.”

— Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Rhubarb and Custard

“Don't really get the big spoon, little spoon thing. Surely, they'd be the same sized spoons.”

— Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Rhubarb and Custard

“Why are you always googling giraffes?”

— Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Rhubarb and Custard

“I was hoping puberty would do a better job, but no. Puberty did a good job with you. You used to be really awkward to look at.”

— Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, Rhubarb and Custard

“One person missing from this celebration of corporate beneficence is football's most famous social justice advocate, Colin Kaepernick, who was effectively blackballed from the NFL and settled out of court with the league this year.”

— Harry Cheadle, The NFL Thinks We’re All Stupid

“But then again, I’m so honestly myself, that what is this character?”

— Bella Thorne, Bella Thorne, the Ex-Disney Star, Chillaxes With Yarn

“The real snowflakes aren’t rape survivors who request trigger warnings or students who’d like that we use their correct pronouns — they’re people with power who can’t abide even the slightest criticism without using their influence to demand consequences.”

— Jessica Valenti, The Unbearable Fragility of Bret Stephens

“Ari: I'm amazing. You miss me? Emily: Like I miss head lice.”

— Chris Henchy, Doug Ellin, Emily, Samaire Armstrong, Neighbors

“My legs are my livelihood.”

— Chris Henchy, Doug Ellin, Johnny "Drama" Chase, Kevin Dillon, An Offer Refused

“I would give my left arm to do a Cameron movie.”

— Chris Henchy, Doug Ellin, Johnny "Drama" Chase, Kevin Dillon, An Offer Refused

“Who are we without our integrity, right?”

— Rob Weiss, Cliff Dorfman, Ari Gold, Jeremy Piven, Aquamansion

“Eric: Forget that girl. The only reason she was with me was 'cause I'm your manager. Turtle: So? Do you know how much pussy I got in this town that I didn't deserve? Drama: All of it?”

— Doug Ellin, Cliff Dorfman, Rob Weiss, Johnny "Drama" Chase, Kevin Dillon, My Maserati Does 185

“Turtle: He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive... bang! He moves right in. Johnyy: Yeah. His tears will basically act as a lubricant.”

— Doug Ellin, Cliff Dorfman, Johnny "Drama" Chase, Kevin Dillon, Exodus