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Oscar: I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls. Kelly: I know, right? Probably a lot.

— Justin Spitzer, Brent Forrester, Caroline Williams, Oscar Nunez, Kelly Kapoor, Mindy Kaling, Product Recall

phone calls

Kelly: You called me stupid. Ryan: No I said your idea is stupid. Kelly: What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor. Ryan: Don't you see why that's insane? Kelly: Oh, so I'm crazy now?

— Caroline Williams, Michael Schur, B.J. Novak,, Kelly Kapoor, Mindy Kaling, The Negotiation

Baby Names

You know, Puff Daddy. Anyway, everybody was drinking Cristal champagne and then is started to get wild and people were getting freaky in the pool and stuff, I look over and there was your girl getting buckwild in the jacuzzi. With a back-up dancer! I mean that's nasty. That's lower than a security g…

— Shawn Wayans, Buddy Johnson, Phil Beauman, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Marlon Wayans, Brenda Meeks, Regina Hall, Scary Movie

Comedy Movies Movie Quotes

I'm on T.V. Oh sh**, first Cops, now this. I'm gonna be a star, son.

— Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Buddy Johnson, Phil Beauman, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Shorty Meeks, Marlon Wayans, Scary Movie

Movie Quotes Comedy Movies Weed References

Can I tell you a secret? I see dead people... Wet gotta roll some more of that sh** son!

— Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Buddy Johnson, Phil Beauman, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Shorty Meeks, Marlon Wayans, Scary Movie

Movie Quotes Comedy Movies Weed References

Cindy! This is a skeleton, this is bones. Would you run from Melissa Flackhart?

— Shawn Wayans, Buddy Johnson, Phil Beauman, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Marlon Wayans, Brenda Meeks, Regina Hall, Scary Movie

Comedy Movies Movie Quotes

How come every time some scary sh** happens you white people always say we need to split up?

— Shawn Wayans, Buddy Johnson, Phil Beauman, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Marlon Wayans, Brenda Meeks, Regina Hall, Scary Movie

Comedy Movies Movie Quotes

[While in a movie theater] I brought me a little snack of my own. Want some chicken?

— Shawn Wayans, Buddy Johnson, Phil Beauman, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Marlon Wayans, Brenda Meeks, Regina Hall, Scary Movie

Comedy Movies Movie Quotes

Let that sh** just mutilate her white a** and leave me!

— Shawn Wayans, Buddy Johnson, Phil Beauman, Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Marlon Wayans, Brenda Meeks, Regina Hall, Scary Movie

Comedy Movies Movie Quotes

A phone accessory that gives you a hand with taking photos, literally.

— Inigo del Castillo, Disturbing selfie arm makes it look like your love life exists in photos

When someone dies, we tend to cling to their belongings. Our hands linger on the hairbrush they used, we drive the car that was once theirs, smell their scent on the clothing they left behind. Personal items have sentimental value.

— Ymani Wince, Mourning My Mother Helped Me Find Myself

Mourning Death Sentimental

Once you get into the habit of saving, you’ll start questioning a lot of your expenditures in an effort to see what’s expendable — and what they really add up to.

— Adam Elder, Everything Your New Year’s Resolutions Will Do to Your Brain and Body

New Year's Resolutions Saving Money

When you believe a new thing, you don’t need a lot of effort. It’s the believing that relieves you of worrying about endless tiny decisions that eat away at sanity and attention, constantly testing your will.

— Edith Zimmerman, How to Change Without Willpower

Bad Habits New Year Resolutions

With the new year having started, now is the perfect time to plan your next trip.

— Billie Schwab Dunn, Astrologer reveals where you should travel to in 2019

This will provoke a crisis the likes of which we have never seen.

— John LeBoutillier, Predictions

Predictions

Despite the relentless news cycle, readers have bought books in droves.

— Alexandra Alter, Bottleneck at Printers Has Derailed Some Holiday Book Sales

Media Cliff Notes

The most consistent grooming advice we give is to try something new. A new hairstyle can give you a fresh start, a new facial hair style transforms your persona, and a new skincare regimen keeps the signs of aging at bay.

— Adam Hurly, 9 Grooming Resolutions You Should Make in 2019

grooming hygiene Self-Care Self-Image Body Image

I could use a hookup that doesn’t require a commute.

— Sex Diaries, The Paralegal Who’d Rather Not Commute to a Date

Dating Commuting Sex Love And Sex

Cute aggression is often baffling and embarrassing to the people who experience it.

— Jon Hamilton, When Too Cute Is Too Much, The Brain Can Get Aggressive

Cuteness Cute things Psychology Cute Aggression

People went ahead and built those things without worrying much about the consequences, because they figured that, by 2018, we’d have come up with all the answers.

— Jill Lepore, What 2018 Looked Like Fifty Years Ago

The future LOL 2018 Technology

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