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George Costanza

185 quotesUnited States Of America · Male

George Louis Costanza is a character in the American television sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), played by Jason Alexander. He has variously been described as a "short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man" (by Elaine Benes and Costanza himself) and "Lord of the Idiots" (by Costanza himself). George and Jerry were junior high school friends and remained friends afterwards. He is friends with Jerry Seinfeld, Cosmo Kramer, and Elaine Benes. George appears in every episode except "The Pen" (third season). The character was originally based on Seinfeld co-creator Larry David but is surnamed after Jerry Seinfeld's real-life New York friend, Mike Costanza. Alexander reprised his role in an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, reuniting with Jerry Seinfeld and Wayne Knight (also reprising their roles as Jerry and Newman, respectively). 2Early life and family George is the son of Frank (Jerry Stiller), an Italian-American and Estelle Costanza (Estelle Harris), presumably Jewish-American. George twice mentions that he has a brother (although never again after season 3). Lloyd Braun is his childhood nemesis who George feels was the son his parents always wante

All Dating (16)Attraction (11)Sex (10)Self-deprecation (6)Breakups (6)Relationships (6)Women (5)Baldness (5)Lesbianism (4)Revenge (4)Irony (4)Mental Illness (4)lying (4)New York Yankees (3)Employment (3)

From “The Visa”

Dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal. I convinced him to act like that so that you would think I was funnier. That's how disturbed I am! If you want disturbed, that's disturbed. You can't find sickness like that anywhere, you think sickness like that grows on trees?…

dark Disturbed Superman Mental Illness

You see, this is what I do with women. I start out too strong, now I have to become real, that's when it all falls apart. What good is real? They don't want real, they want funny.

Dating Self-Consciousness

Maybe you don't have to be so funny. I mean, would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm asking. This woman thinks I'm very funny. Now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny.

humor comedy Dating Baldness

Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating; that's a fantasy camp.

Fantasy Mooching Parasites

From “The Shoes”

Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. ‘Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together, so ya never know.

Divorce Dysfunctional Marriage

Divorce is very difficult. Especially on a kid. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.

Divorce Children Marriage

Because I snubbed her. You see? Women, they like that! Yes! I understand women. The snub is good, they love the snub.

Snubbing Aloofness Attraction Women

From “The Outing”

Y’know, there are tribes in Indonesia where if you keep your coat on in somebody's house, the families go to war.

Indonesia War

From “The Old Man”

Ahh, what’s the point? When I like them, they don’t like me, when they like me I don’t like them. Why can’t I act with the ones I like the way I do with the ones I don’t like?

Dating

I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body.

Sexual Harassment Fantasies

Yeah, I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up.

Quitting quitters Heredity

Oh, what's the point? When I like them, they don't like me, when they like me, I don't like them. Why can't I act with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I don't like?

Dating Compatibility friendzone

From “The Junior Mint”

Who are you to play God? Every man's time comes! If his number is up, who are you to interfere?

Fate Euthanasia

From “The Smelly Car”

Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings 'em back.

Lesbianism Heterosexuality

Y’know, the funny thing is, somehow I find her more appealing now. It's like if I knew she was a lesbian when we went out, I never would've broken up with her.

Lesbianism Attraction Breakups

A lesbian sighting. Oh-ho! My lucky day. They're so fascinating. Why is that? Because they don't want us. You gotta respect that.

Lesbians Respect Attraction Self-deprecation

From “The Pilot”

I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?

Death Death with Dignity dignity

God would never let me be successful. He'd kill me first. He'd never let me be happy.

Success Fate God

I'm calling for my test results. Negative? Oh, my God. WHY! WHY! WHY? What? What? Negative is good? Oh, yes of course! How stupid of me. Thank you.

Test Results positive Negative Irony

From “The Mango”

It's like a magic trick. Sometimes I think it would be easier to bend a spoon mentally than to make that transformation.

Impotence erectile dysfunction

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