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Tucker Max

23 quotesFilm Producer · Born Sep 27, 1975 · United States Of America · Male

Tucker Max (born September 27, 1975 in Atlanta, Georgia) is an American author and public speaker. He chronicles his drinking and sexual encounters in the form of short stories on his website TuckerMax.com, which has received millions of visitors since Max launched it as the result of a bet in 2000. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell was a New York Times #1 Bestseller and made the Best Seller List each year from 2006 to 2012. It has sold over one million copies worldwide, including 400,000 copies in 2009 alone. His book was subsequently made into a feature film of the same title, which received generally negative reviews and numerous critics considered to be one of the worst films of the year. In 2010, he released a book titled Assholes Finish First, and in 2012 marked the literary releases of both Hilarity Ensues and Sloppy Seconds: The Tucker Max Leftovers. He was a 2009 Time 100 finalist based on internet votes, although he did not make the magazine list. 2Personal life Tucker Max's father, Dennis Max, is a restaurant owner in South Florida. According to Max, his parents met at "one of George Jung's coke parties in Manhattan Beach". Tucker grew up in Lexington, Kentucky and graduated from the Blair Academy in 1995, where he was voted "most egotistical

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From “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”

If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.

Funny Quotes Vulgar Quotes

It is better to ask for forgiveness then permission.

Tucker Max Advice life advice

If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

Tucker Max Advice Sex Love Drunk

Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me" Tucker: "I don't understand the question.

Tucker Max Comedy Quotes

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

Tucker Max Quotes Boys To Men

She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn’t very good with my dick in her mouth.

Sluts Tucker Max Quotes Relationship Advice Guy Advice

I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

Tucker Max Quotes Beauty And Brains

Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people.. if…

Tucker Max Quotes Respect Treat You

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

Why Men Love Bitches Tucker Max Relationships Self Worth

Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. It really is that simple.

Why Men Love Bitches Guy Advice Relationship Advice Self Respect

From “Assholes Finish First”

I prefer to keep fooling myself, at least for a little while longer.

Imagination Believing lies Happiness Illusions

If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.

Relationship Advice Dating Advice Tucker Max Advice

You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.

Comedy Quotes Tucker Max

No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren't because you're trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Living the life you want to live is. It…

Tucker Max Quotes Live Your Life Simple Happy

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

Relationship Advice Dating Advice Tucker Max Advice

From “Hilarity Ensues”

Of course, I'm not a doctor; I just watch a lot of ER and House.

Tucker Max Quotes Funny Quotes Offensive Quotes

The rules your parents teach you to live by are very different than the rules the world actually runs by. Most of the conventional wisdom is not only wrong, it's a lie told to us by people who want to control us. It doesn't help us, it helps them. Pretty much everything we're told as children (and…

Relationship Advice Dating Advice

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

Tucker Max Advice Guy Advice Relationship Advice

From “Sloppy Seconds”

Here’s to the women we’ve met, and to the women we’ve fucked, And to those amongst us who’ve had no such luck. Here’s to beer in the glass, and vodka in the cup, Here’s to pokin’ her in the ass, so she won’t get knocked up. Here’s to all of you, and here’s to me, Together as friends we’ll always be,…

Toast Cheers Tucker Max

You ever met one of those guys who, in a totally calm and composed way, can scare the shit out of you? Like an MMA fighter, or the fat Kardashian sister who married Lamar Odom?

Tucker Max Quotes Offensive Vulgar

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