Website

50 Short, Clean Jokes And Puns That Will Get You A Laugh Every Time

by Thought Catalog, Unknown, Brandon Gorrell

(50 total)

“As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field... But hay, it’s in my jeans.”

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Funny, Funny Jokes, Puns

“How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.”

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Funny, Funny Jokes, Puns

“How does NASA organize a party? They planet.”

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Funny, Funny Jokes, Puns

“Two gold fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, 'you know how to drive this thing?!'”

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Funny, Funny Jokes, Puns

“Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Puns, Cole Slaw

“If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Wife v. Dog

“Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggie.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Cowboy, Dachshund, Wordplay

“What do cannonballs do when they’re in love? Make BBs.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Cannonballs, Puns, Wordplay

“What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Anti-Jokes

“My grandfather died peacefully, in his sleep...not screaming like the passengers in his car.”

— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Double Entendre, Morbid, Car Crashes, Auto Fatalities

“I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief. But when I got home, all the signs were there.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Puns, Wordplay, Thief

“What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Alexander the Great, Winnie The Pooh

“Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.”

— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Double Entendre

“Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Shoes, Surreal

“How does NASA organize a party? They planet.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: NASA, party, Pun, planet

“How Long is a Chinese man’s name. No, it actually is.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Chinese, Puns

“My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I was, like, don’t be a dick, dude; they just came out of the closet.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: gay, Closeted, dick, Double Entendre

“Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent!”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Pterodactyl, Pee, Wordplay

“What did the green grape say to the purple grape? OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE!!!!!”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Grapes, OMG

“I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible; it’s terrible.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Tagged: Thesaurus, terrible