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50 Short, Clean Jokes And Puns That Will Get You A Laugh Every Time

by Thought Catalog, Unknown, Brandon Gorrell(50 total)

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field... But hay, it’s in my jeans.

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Funny Funny Jokes Puns

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Funny Funny Jokes Puns

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Funny Funny Jokes Puns

Two gold fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, 'you know how to drive this thing?!'

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Funny Funny Jokes Puns

Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Puns Cole Slaw

If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Wife v. Dog

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggie.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Cowboy Dachshund Wordplay

What do cannonballs do when they’re in love? Make BBs.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Cannonballs Puns Wordplay

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Anti-Jokes

My grandfather died peacefully, in his sleep...not screaming like the passengers in his car.

— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.com

Double Entendre Morbid Car Crashes Auto Fatalities

I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Puns Wordplay Thief

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Alexander the Great Winnie The Pooh

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

— Thought Catalog, thoughtcatalog.com

Double Entendre

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Shoes Surreal

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

NASA party Pun planet

How Long is a Chinese man’s name. No, it actually is.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Chinese Puns

My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I was, like, don’t be a dick, dude; they just came out of the closet.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

gay Closeted dick Double Entendre

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent!

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Pterodactyl Pee Wordplay

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE!!!!!

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Grapes OMG

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible; it’s terrible.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Thesaurus terrible

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