“Larry: And who knows, you know what? Maybe I'll be able to need a lawyer someday. Cheryl: Anything could happen. Larry: A lot of people sue me.”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Law, Legal, sue, anything could happen
“Larry: I'd like to return this, please. Sales woman: What seems to be the problem? Larry: You know, it's kinda of half-jacket, half-shirt; half-man, half-beast.”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Return, Problem, jacket, Shirt, Fashion
“If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac.”— Larry David, Jeff Greene, Jeff Garlin, imdb.comTagged: Maniac, pyro, not good
“Larry: Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Cheryl: Oh, 'cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: bad thing, erection, Questioning, bunching up, Appearance
“Hello, I had sex with my uncle when I was 12. He lived in Great Neck, he was a doctor. An osteopath--I don't even know what they do, but I know they're doctors. Something to do with muscles, I think. Neither here nor there.”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Sex, Uncle, Incest, doctor, side tracked
“Larry: Your mother thinks I touched her breast? That is so sick! Jeff: It's what she thinks. What can I say? Sweet dreams. Larry: 'Sweet dreams.' I'll dream about fucking your mother. 'Sweet dreams.'”— Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: mother, Breast, Sick, sweet dreams, upset
“I can't wait to call my parents. They are gonna be so proud of me! When I tell my father I figured out out that navigation system, he's gonna flip his wig! And he's got one too!”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Parents, Call, proud, navigation, flip his wig
“Cheryl's Dad: 'Devoted sister, beloved cunt?!' That's what you put in the paper?! Larry: This is a typo! It should be 'aunt!'”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: devoted sister, paper, death notice, Typo, aunt
“Larry: Want this? Hobo: What is it? Larry: It's tuna. Hobo: I don't like tuna.”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: offer, Tuna, food, homeless, trying to help
“Larry: Killed herself. Jeff: Why? Larry: Nobody knows, she didn't leave a note. That is so rude, isn't it?”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Suicide, Death, Note, Rude
“It's completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career's been based on being unprofessional.”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: unprofessional, Career, Knowledge, Experience
“What is this compulsion to have people over at your house and serve them food and talk to them?”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Compulsion, House, Serve, food, Host
“Julie: [referring to Larry's movie 'Sour Grapes'] I enjoyed it. It was interesting. It was such a perfect length. Larry: That's my specialty, length.”— Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Movie, interesting, Perfect, Length, speciality
“Brian: Should you be going to the party with your back or, er, can you bend over? Can you bend with your back? Larry: Yeah. Brian: Well then maybe you should just bend over and kiss my ass and maybe next time you'll remember to pick up my fucking golf ball.”— Larry David, Brian, Brian Palermo, imdb.comTagged: faking an injury, back problems, Kiss my ass, mean
“I did, once, try and stop a woman who was about to get hit by a car. I screamed out 'Watch out!' and she said 'Don't you tell me what to do!'”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: hit by a car, screamed, watch out, Sassy
“Richard: I can't believe you won't help out a blind man. Larry: I can't believe you said 'blind man' in front of a blind man!”— Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: blind man, help, Deaf, Mix Up
“It's always great to see a black entrepreneur, isn't it?”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Great, african american, entrepreneur
“Salesperson: It's people like you that are the problem. Larry: No, I'm the solution! I'm the solution to the problem!”— Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: Problem, solution, Conflict, heated
“Richard: You better call me later on, by sundown. Larry: 'By sundown?' What are you, Gary Cooper?”— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.comTagged: call me, Sundown, Gary Cooper