Season 2

“Frasier: So you're suggesting that I go along and pretend I'm enjoying myself in something that gives me absolutely no pleasure at all just to hear the words 'I love you?' Daphne: Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.”

— Steven Levitan, Daphne Moon, Jane Leeves, imdb.com

“You unprincipled charlatan! You unconscionable fraud!”

— Linda Morris, Vic Rauseo, Christopher Lloyd, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“It smells like a fish died and all the other fish sent flowers.”

— Steven Levitan, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“Niles: Well, as some illustrious person once said, 'Popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.' Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you? Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.”

— Don Siegel, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“It's been the same since you were kids. If one of you has something, the other one always has to have it, too. I had to buy two Balinese lutes, two découpage kits, two pairs of lederhosen. When you finally moved out of the house, that was one embarrassing garage sale.”

— David Pollock, Elias Davis, Martin Crane, John Mahoney, imdb.com

“Martin: When your mother got mad at me, I'd just grab her, bend her backwards and give her a kiss that made her glad she was a woman. Niles: I can't do that with Maris. She has abnormally rigid vertebrae; she'd snap like a twig.”

— Linda Morris, Vic Rauseo, Ken Levine, David Isaacs, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“Life is a banquet!”

— David Pollock, Elias Davis, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“Sam: She's a terrific person. She's smart, she's funny, she's horny. I mean, she's just the kinda chick you wanna stick up on a pedestal. Frasier: You know, Sam, it's always amazed me how you can elevate and demean in the same sentence.”

— Ken Levine, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan.”

— Christopher Lloyd, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“Niles, will you please stop giggling? It's very distracting.”

— Joe Keenan, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“If you ask me, it's divorced people you want to watch out for. If someone's never been married, it might just mean they're a careful shopper, whereas your divorce will buy any old piece of fruit without even giving it a squeeze first.”

— Anne Flett-Giordano, Chuck Ranberg, Roz Doyle, Peri Gilpin, imdb.com

“There's nothing wrong with Maris that wouldn't be cured by a little sun, some exercise and a personality.”

— David Lloyd, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“You're not a child any more. Now come with me: I'm taking you to the bathroom!”

— Steven Levitan, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“My God, woman, I'd drive a stake through your heart but I don't think anything could kill you!”

— Ken Levine, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“It is possible to move a relationship along too fast, and ultimately marry too hastily. You could find, a few years down the line, that the person isn't really right for you, and then what happens if you meet the right person?”

— Ken Levine, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com

“Niles: Can you tell me, with any certainty, that in such a vast universe there isn't intelligent life on other planets? Frasier: At the moment, I'm not sure there's intelligent life in this kitchen.”

— Anne Flett-Giordano, Chuck Ranberg, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“Hey, I'm with you. I hate the way those whiny sick people are always nagging you for things. 'I want a magazine!' 'I want a kidney!'”

— Joe Keenan, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“Martin: One minute it's just a blob in some lady's stomach, the next minute it's a person. Blob... Person. Frasier: The miracle of birth, summed up in one poetic phrase.”

— Christopher Lloyd, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com

“You ever noticed how much faster he moves when he's wrong?”

— Dave Hackel, Niles Crane, David Hyde Pierce, imdb.com