Season 1

“Ted: I don't think Barry likes me. Lou: Ted, he hasn't been here long enough not to like you. He's only been here a couple weeks. It takes at least three weeks not to like you.”

— George Kirgo, Lou Grant, Ed Asner, imdb.com

“I look at a separation like two boxers who are going to their corners between rounds. That doesn't mean the fight is over, Mary. They're just resting!”

— Lorenzo Music, Lou Grant, Ed Asner, imdb.com

“When you're single in college you don't care who gets married. Now, I can't stand to see a girl walk down the aisle in a movie!”

— Susan Silver, Rhoda Morgenstern, Valerie Harper, imdb.com

“Word to the wise, Mary. The best kind of reunion is one where you don't know anyone.”

— Susan Silver, Lou Grant, Ed Asner, imdb.com

“Mary: [about Ted's gift to her] It's the thought that counts. Murray: I know, and he has cheap thoughts.”

— Steven Pritzker, imdb.com

“Mary: At our age, having your tonsils out can be dangerous. Rhoda: At our age, having your hair done can be dangerous.”

— Treva Silverman, Rhoda Morgenstern, Valerie Harper, imdb.com

“Ted: [lamenting at the party that he isn't where he should be in life] I might as well face it. I'm a no-talent! Murray: Did somebody put truth serum in the punch?”

— Martin Cohan, Murray Slaughter, Gavin MacLeod, imdb.com

“Ted: [bragging] I even got cheered for cutting a ribbon at a supermarket! Murray: That's because they didn't think you could do it.”

— Lorenzo Music, Ted Baxter, Ted Knight, imdb.com

“If you've noticed, I'm one of the few producers without a peptic ulcer. One of the reasons for that is, I'm able to delegate blame.”

— Lorenzo Music, Lou Grant, Ed Asner, imdb.com

“[about his nephew, Allen] What that kid needs is a little understanding, a little compassion, and all that other crap.”

— Bob Rodgers, Lou Grant, Ed Asner, imdb.com

“There are no men friends when you're thirty. They're either fiances or rejects.”

— Lloyd Turner, Gordon Mitchell, Rhoda Morgenstern, Valerie Harper, imdb.com

“Rhoda: My father's short. Mary: See, it didn't bother your mother did it? Rhoda: Bother her? She made him that way.”

— Lloyd Turner, Gordon Mitchell, Rhoda Morgenstern, Valerie Harper, imdb.com

“Life insurance, huh? I still haven't met a beneficiary.”

— Steven Pritzker, Rhoda Morgenstern, Valerie Harper, imdb.com

“Lou: Mary, where are the idiot cards? Ted: Cue cards, Lou! Cue Cards! Lou: Excuse me, Ted. Mary, could you please give those cue cards to this idiot?”

— John D. F. Black, Lou Grant, Ed Asner, imdb.com

“I was five years old before I knew my father could talk. You know the first thing he said? 'Listen to your mother.'”

— James L. Brooks, Rhoda Morgenstern, Valerie Harper, imdb.com

“Ted Baxter: Whatever happened to the good old days when they had wars in England? Murray Slaughter: You'd find a way to mispronounce London.”

— John D. F. Black, Ted Baxter, Ted Knight, imdb.com

“Rhoda Morgenstern: How can you gorge yourself and stay so skinny? I'm so hungry I can't stand it. Mary Richards: Why don't you eat something? Rhoda Morgenstern: I can't. I've got to lose 10 pounds by 8:30.”

— Treva Silverman, Rhoda Morgenstern, Valerie Harper, imdb.com

“Hey, Rhoda, do you know what I'm doing? I am changing my clothes at eight o'clock at night so that I can go to a club where I'm going to lie about being divorced so that I can perhaps in a few months' time end up in Paris speaking Spanish.”

— Treva Silverman, Mary Richards, Mary Tyler Moore, imdb.com

“You're talking about Midwestern love. I'm talking about Bronx love. There's a certain amount of guilt that goes with that. My mother wants the people she loves to feel guilty.”

— James L. Brooks, Rhoda Morgenstern, Valerie Harper, imdb.com

“Lou Grant: You got a lotta spunk. Mary Richards: Why thank you, Mr. Grant. Lou Grant: I HATE spunk.”

— James L. Brooks, Lou Grant, Ed Asner, imdb.com