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Mike Baxter

28 quotesBaseball Player · Born Dec 7, 1984 · United States Of America · Male

Michael Joseph Baxter (born December 7, 1984) is an American professional baseball outfielder who is currently a free agent. He played in Major League Baseball (MLB) for the San Diego Padres, New York Mets, Los Angeles Dodgers and Chicago Cubs. 2Early years Baxter was born and raised in the Queens, New York neighborhood of Whitestone, where he attended St. Luke's Parish school and part of the Bayside Little League. He graduated from Archbishop Molloy High School in 2002. Baxter attended Columbia University, and he then attended Vanderbilt University. He was selected by the San Diego Padres in the fourth round (128th overall) of the 2005 amateur entry draft. 2Professional career 3San Diego Padres Baxter's contract was purchased by the Padres and he was promoted to the major leagues on September 6, 2010 and hit a pop fly to second base off Vicente Padilla of the Los Angeles Dodgers in his first at-bat, as a pinch hitter. He appeared in 9 games that season, all as a pinch hitter, with his only hit being on September 26 off Francisco Cordero of the Cincinnati Reds. 3New York Mets 42011 After being placed on the 60-day disabled list in March 2011, Baxter began his rehab in Single-A, before being claimed off waivers by the New York Mets on July 2

All Memory foam (2)gender roles (2)freeloading (2)traffic tickets (2)Politics (2)couch surfing (2)American Politics (2)Fear (2)all up in my business (1)friending (1)Drug Dealers (1)Football (1)supreme court justices (1)Accidents (1)bilingual (1)

From “Pilot”

Then only time men should be dancing is when other men are shootin' at their feet.

Men Dancing gender roles

From “Good Cop, Bad Cop”

Mike Baxter: Honey, what's the harm in letting her try out? Vanessa Baxter: Really, honey? A teen model? You want her hanging out in Vegas with Russian mobsters and, uh, David Spade? Mike Baxter: I absolutely do not want that!

teen model david spade russian mobsters Las Vegas

From “The Passion of the Mandy”

Mike Baxter: Hey Kyle, do you have a man cave? Kyle Anderson: My van. One place where people aren't all up in my business. You have no idea how tiring it is.'Kyle, do this.' 'Kyle, do that.' 'Kyle, for God's sake, get your act together.' Mike Baxter: I don't do that. Kyle Anderson: Your daughter…

man cave all up in my business

From “Take Your Daughter to Work”

Mike Baxter: Many times, you got to streamline conversations to avoid the big arguments. We do it all the time. Vanessa Baxter: What? Mike Baxter: Honey, married 30 years, we're in the home stretch. You might as well know, I actually like Chinese food. I just, you know, don't like watching you eat…

Marriage arguments lying Chinese Food

From “Quarterback Boyfriend”

Mike Baxter: Everybody gives these athletes a lot of slack. It doesn't do them any good. I mean 99% of these kids will never play for a pro team, or even the Cleveland Browns. Ed Alzate: Don't knock the Browns, Mike. If it weren't for them, the Bengals fans wouldn't have anyone to make fun of.

Cleveland Browns Cincinnati Bengals athletes Slack losers

Ed Alzate: So now you're down on your quarterback. Even though he and Mandy have a date tonight. Mike Baxter: How do you know that? Ed Alzate: Mandy and I are Facebook pals. I asked her to be my friend, she said yes. We call it friending. Mike Baxter: You should call it frightening. Ed Alzate: Mandy…

Facebook as a Digital Town Square friending World Wide Web

From “Back to School”

Vanessa Baxter: Boyd is learning Spanish at his new school. Blanca: And I will say, with *that* they are doing a very good job. Mike Baxter: Why are they teaching him Spanish in the first grade? Vanessa Baxter: Well, honey, it's a bilingual school. The teacher says everything in English and then…

Math Education bilingual english spanish

From “Driving Lessons”

Mike Baxter: All right, quick review. Yellow light means? Eve Baxter: Floor it. Mike Baxter: Stop sign? Eve Baxter: Look both ways for Johnny Law, then floor it.

driving lessons yellow light johnny floor

From “Ryan v. John Baker”

You can't keep sleeping on my couch. I want the memory foam to have a chance to forget about you.

couch surfing freeloading Memory foam

You can't keep sleeping on my couch. I want the memory foam to have a chance to forget about you.

couch surfing freeloading Memory foam

From “Thanksgiving”

All right, all right, to all my winos, gamblers and drug dealers, Happy Thanksgiving.

winos Gamblers Drug Dealers Happy Thanksgiving Toast

Boyd Baxter: I'm doing a class project on what we're thankful for. Kristin Baxter: He want's to do a video like your vlogs for Outdoor Man. Mike Baxter: Everybody's thankful for those. Boyd Baxter: I like the one where the president needs to pull his head out of Putin's butt.

Vlogs outdoor man class project

Football on, women setting the table, why can't every day be Thanksgiving?

Football gender roles Thanksgiving

From “All About Eve”

Vanessa Baxter: That cop pulled me over today and gave me a ticket. Mike Baxter: I told ya to stay off Cedar, babe. Vanessa Baxter: No, he's movin' around. He was on Hudson, today. Mike Baxter: Hudson? That's under construction. Double the fine. Smart cop. Vanessa Baxter: Oh, I don't care about the…

traffic tickets Women Knockers hair flip

Mike Baxter: These kids are into big government. No surprise. Teenagers are used to spending other people's money. Ed Alzate: What do kids that age know? They're just parroting the stuff they learned at home, just like Eve probably does with you. Mike Baxter: No, no, no, no. Eve's different. She's…

Big Government independent thinkers Politics teenagers

Of all the ways the government dips into our pocket and steals our money, my least favorite is when the police gives us bogus tickets just to fill up their quotas.

traffic tickets government theft Police quotas

Vanessa Baxter: You know what, honey, Hillary Clinton was a Goldwater girl in 1964. Mike Baxter: So? Satan used to work for God. What's your point?

Hillary Clinton Barry Goldwater 1964 satan

From “Sinkhole”

Mike Baxter: [after almost driving into a sinkhole] Oh, man! You good? It's all good. It's all good. Hold on a second. [puts car in reverse and pushes Boyd back into his seat] Get back in there. Sit back down. [after backing away from the sinkhole] Okay, listen, you sure you're all right? Boyd…

Driving bad driving Accidents Karate

President Richard Nixon once said, 'People react to fear, not love.' Easy for him to say because he was kinda scary and nobody loved him.

Richard Nixon Fear Love

Ed Alzate: With this water purifier they can drink their own pee. Mike Baxter: Or river water, or lake water. But by all means, use the pee as a selling point.

water purifiers Pee selling point

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