“My knowledge of art is infinitesimal. I know that Rembrandt was deaf (no, that was Beethoven). I know that Van Gogh got hungry one day and cut off his own ear and that Toulouse Lautrec walked around on his knees. And that’s about it.”— Groucho Marx, amazon.com
“My predictions are usually accurate. I was the fellow who said there would be no market crash in 1929.”— Groucho Marx, amazon.com
“Even suicide is cheaper out here. The California motorist will, on the average, knock off three pedestrians a month.”— Groucho Marx, amazon.com
“Faith is inspiring divisiveness, destruction, hate, and greed. And the tragic irony is that faith is meant to inspire compassion and empathy and love.”— Coleman Herbert, Sarah Lane, Michelle Monaghan, imdb.com
“I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others—I can't be with someone like that.”— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com
“You're luscious. You're ravishing. I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra. I’m terribly sorry.”— Marjorie Gross, Carol Leifer, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“I'm calling for my test results. Negative? Oh, my God. WHY! WHY! WHY? What? What? Negative is good? Oh, yes of course! How stupid of me. Thank you.”— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“Well, that's the positive thing about getting sick, you get to lose weight.”— Andy Robin, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com
“Every woman on the face of the earth has complete control of my life. And yet, I want them all…is that irony?”— Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up.”— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“In the past, ironic misandry has been a popular way for women to deal with living in a world where they’re exposed to frequent abuse at the hands of powerful men. Yet, if a woman takes to Facebook to vent about how she “wants to imprison men and milk them for their male tears,” she could quickly los…”— Taylor Lorenz, thedailybeast.com
“The man who wrote the anti-trans bathroom bill just lost the election to a trans woman. Let that sink in.”— Laura Bassett, twitter.com
“She was a ghost of a girl, hauntingly beautiful, wonderfully lost—breaking hearts and crying holy water tears.”— Michael Faudet, amazon.com
“I don't want to play 10 years in the NBA and die of a heart attack at age 40.”— Pete Maravich, articles.latimes.com