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Quotes tagged ‘joke’

(331 total)

Claire: It's too long and heavy for me Rupert: Lasses say that to me all the time

— Ronald D. Moore, Claire Randall, Caitriona Balfe, imdb.com

Jamie: Be Yuletide by the time we get back to Leoch. Claire: Christmas. I don't suppose you hang stockings by the fire. Jamie: To dry them off, you mean? Claire: Nevermind.

— Ronald D. Moore, Claire Randall, Caitriona Balfe, imdb.com

Claire: Where did you learn to kiss like that? Jamie: I said I was a virgin, not a monk.

— Anne Kenney, Jamie Fraser, Sam Heughan, imdb.com

Rupert: So there I am, in bed, harelip Chrissie on my left and sweaty Nettie, the butcher's daughter, on my right. They get jealous of each other, start arguin' about who I'm goin' to swive first. Can you believe it? Claire: I believe your left hand gets jealous of your right. That's about all I bel…

— Toni Graphia, Claire Randall, Caitriona Balfe, imdb.com

Claire: Are you implying that I'm intoxicated? Jamie: I'd be impressed if you weren't.

— Anne Kenney, Jamie Fraser, Sam Heughan, imdb.com

Jamie: And when I woke up, I was trussed up in the wagon with the chickens, jolting down the road to Fort William. Claire: I'm so sorry, it must have been terrible for you. Jamie: Oh, aye. Chickens are very poor company.

— Ronald D. Moore, Jamie Fraser, Sam Heughan, imdb.com

Claire: I'm a nurse. Jamie: Aye. [Looks at Claire's chest] Claire: Not a wet nurse.

— Ronald D. Moore, Claire Randall, Caitriona Balfe, imdb.com

I found the Fountain of Youth! It's the toilet!

— Joan Binder Weiss, David Weiss, Salem Saberhagen (voice), Nick Bakay, imdb.com

Roxie: If you're gonna date based on principle, your choices are the Pope or St. Francis of Assisi. Sabrina: So I've got options.

— Adam England, Sabrina Spellman, Melissa Joan Hart, imdb.com

Miles: We may only have a few seconds together before the next bell. I need you to sum up your entire being in four words. Go! Cute Girl: Not interested in you. Miles: Four words on the dot.

— Adam England, Miles Goodman, Trevor Lissauer, imdb.com

Miles: Why should I pay $5 to get rejected when I do it so well for free? Sabrina: Well, for every girl who says no, you're that much closer to the one that will say yes. Dating is a numbers game! Miles: So, getting rejected by twenty girls in one night is a good thing? Sabrina: Yeah, for only five…

— Adam England, Sabrina Spellman, Melissa Joan Hart, imdb.com

Sabrina: Hey, guys, what's going on? Morgan: We're clearing out of here. Grab all you can carry. Roxie: It turns out it wasn't you. The whole house is possessed. Miles: And unlike scantily-dressed teenagers in slasher movies, we know when to leave.

— Grant Nieporte, Dan Kael, Sabrina Spellman, Melissa Joan Hart, imdb.com

Miles: Okay, I've checked out all the bedrooms and closets. And, Morgan, while you have an interesting selection of hosiery, I detect no supernatural activity. Morgan: You went looking for poltergeists in my underwear drawer? Miles: For your own protection.

— Grant Nieporte, Dan Kael, Morgan Cavanaugh, Elisa Donovan, imdb.com

Salem: Hmm. I knew this day would come. Sabrina, it's time for the talk. Sabrina: Most girls get it from their mothers, I get it from the cat.

— Grant Nieporte, Dan Kael, Sabrina Spellman, Melissa Joan Hart, imdb.com

Roxie: Whoever you are, I'm warning you, I have a black belt. Hilda: Roxie? Roxie: Okay, it's charcoal, but it goes with the shoes. Hilda, what are you doing here? And what's with your hair?

— Jon Vandergriff, Hilda Spellman, Caroline Rhea, imdb.com

Zelda: So, I hear things are heating up between you and Derek. Sabrina: Well, let's just say we could melt a glacier.

— Barry Vigon, Tom Walla, Sabrina Spellman, Melissa Joan Hart, imdb.com

Roxie: Did you put in fresh batteries? Sabrina: Yeah, I'm packing two Ds. And believe me, that's the first time I've ever said that.

— Laurie Gelman, Sabrina Spellman, Melissa Joan Hart, imdb.com

Sabrina: Miles, what are you doing? I made us waffles and bacon and eggs. Miles: Do you have any idea where bacon and eggs come from? Sabrina: Pigs and chicken butts? Miles: Government subsidized farms. They're fed chemicals and hormones. It's not natural. I'm sorry, Sabrina, but my body is my templ…

— Dan Berendsen, Sabrina Spellman, Melissa Joan Hart, imdb.com

Roxie: Look, you seem very nice. Sabrina: Thanks. Roxie: I have no room in my life for people like that.

— Bruce Ferber, Marley Sims, Sabrina Spellman, Melissa Joan Hart, imdb.com

Hilda: Maybe we should start with something simple. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Harvey: A penny saved is a penny earned. Salem: Don't eat yellow snow.

— Dan Kael, Hilda Spellman, Caroline Rhea, imdb.com

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