“M’Lady: Salem, you’re the only one who understands me. Salem: Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I care.”Tagged: Understanding, Connection, joke, Rude, Sassy
“Zelda: Salem, you owe Sabrina an apology. Now! Salem: I’m thinking of how to word it. Hilda: Try 'I’m sorry.' Salem: Somehow, that just doesn’t feel right...”Tagged: Sorry, Apology, Sassy, Bitchy, Rude
“Sabrina: Salem, what are you doing? Salem: Nothing! Sabrina: You’re in a chatroom again pretending to be a woman, aren’t you? Salem: I like the attention”Tagged: Catfish, Technology, Chatroom, Attention, joke
“Salem: FREEZE! Don’t squirt that perfume, unless you want to be a boy who gets beaten up! Sabrina: Man, that was close! Salem: It’s not enough to look like a dude, you have to start thinking like a dude. Have you picked a name yet? Sabrina: Kirby? Salem: We’re back to getting beaten up here...”Tagged: manhood, Boy, Gender Swap, Magic, toxic masculinity
“Hippie Driver: Did that cat just talk? Or am I picking up his thoughts telepathically? Salem: You're right. You can read my mind. And now you're sensing my great need to stop in Philadelphia for a cheese-steak. Hippie Driver: I’m communicating with animals! This is so radical. Salem: Just drive,…”Tagged: joke, cats, Magic, woodstock, Telepathy
“I found the Fountain of Youth! It's the toilet!”Tagged: Fountain of Youth, Fantasy, Supernatural, joke, Toilet
“Salem: I’m so happy, I could plotz! Sabrina: Not on the kitchen table. Salem: You can say goodbye to this furry little punim! Hilda: Salem, what’s with all the Yiddish? Are you going into show business? Salem: I’m online with a camel in Jerusalem who used to be an Amway salesman. Zelda: Why did the…”Tagged: joke, Amway, Pyramid Schemes, Yiddish, Camel
“I'm sorry, Sabrina. I didn't want to hurt you; I just wanted to rule you.”Tagged: Power Hungry, rule, Sassy, Apology
“Salem: Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony. Zelda: I'm going to write him a very stern letter. Salem: You're a regular Mad Max, aren't you?”Tagged: Revenge, mad max, Agony, Destruction, Sarcasm
“Salem: That's awful. I hate prejudice. Do you know how many women have rejected me just because I have four legs and a tail? It's wrong, I tell ya! Why don't they care about what's inside? Sabrina: Salem, what's on the inside of you, is a selfish, misogynistic pig. Salem: Hey, pigs are people too!”Tagged: Cat, animal, Pig, Dating, misogynist
“Harvey: Salem invited me. He said there would be food and fireworks. Salem: I have lighted the fuse. Now I just have to wait for the kapowie! Muahahaha!”Tagged: Evil, Devious, Fireworks, party, Explosion