“What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!”— Fun Substance, funsubstance.com
“I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter. But I decided i didn’t want to spread it.”— Worst Jokes Ever, worstjokesever.com
“I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.”— Kickass Humor, kickasshumor.com
“What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.”— Ellen Degeneres, twitter.com
“I hate how funerals are always so early in the day – I’m not really a mourning person.”— Reader's Digest, rd.com
“The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar...Things got tense fast.”— Good Bad Jokes, goodbadjokes.com
“I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win...No pun in ten did.”— Anonymous, cheezburger.com
“A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.”— Top Reddit Jokes, twitter.com
“Mona: What gives, Velma? Did you have a nasty dream last night about Shaggy? Hannah: I was in the shower with him. Mona: Oh, talk about a wet dream. Hannah: No, it wasn't a dream. He took a shower at my place.”— Francesca Rollins, Oliver Goldstick, Hanna Marin, Ashley Benson, imdb.com
“Jimmy Junior: Tinabot, commence to the AV closet. I want to show you something. It's something I haven't shown anyone. Not even Zeke. Tina: Wow, a secret, and a zekeret.”— Gregory Thompson, Tina Belcher (voice), Dan Mintz, imdb.com
“Mr. Frond: So, you're in trouble again. Louise: Drink some cranberry juice. Mr. Frond: What? No, not ‘urine trouble!’ You are in trouble.”— Nora Smith, Louise Belcher (voice), Kristen Schaal, imdb.com
“Remember, Tina—a nerd in the hand is worth...not really that much. Never mind.”— Scott Jacobson, Louise Belcher, Kristen Schaal, imdb.com