“Lois Griffin: Brian, you're home early. What happened with your date? Brian Griffin: Same thing that always happens: she was an idiot.”— Allison Adler, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all, shut the hell up!”— Danny Smith, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Brian Griffin: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract? Peter Griffin: Um... if by 'read' you mean 'imagined a naked lady,' then yes.”— Mike Henry, Alex Borstein, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: Run along Stewie, Daddy had a rough night. Stewie Griffin: Why you tottering fen sucked dewberry, I'm going to find something to strike you with, excuse me.”— Chris Sheridan, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: Come on, Stewie, your mom and I have something for ya. Stewie Griffin: Oh, let me guess, you've picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! Big shock, a Jack pops out. And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a li…”— Mark Hentemann, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP?”— Steve Callaghan, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Meg Griffin: Mom, I can't clean - I got stuff to do! Lois Griffin: Sweetheart, we all know you don't have any stuff to do.”— Bobby Bowman, Lois Griffin (voice), Alex Borstein, imdb.com
“Oh jeez. This hangover's killing me. I haven't felt this crappy since the time I went to that museum.”— Mike Barker, Matt Weitzman, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Man in Airport: Aren't you a little young to be traveling alone? Stewie Griffin: Aren't you a little old to be wearing braces?”— Gary Janetti, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. Brian Griffin: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?”— Chris Sheridan, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“[about Peter] This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.”— Neil Goldman, Garrett Donovan, Lois Griffin (voice), Alex Borstein, imdb.com
“Meg Griffin: Chris! You're hogging all the fans! Chris Griffin: Oh yeah? Well you're hogging all the UGLY!”— Gary Janetti, Chris Griffin (voice), Seth Green, imdb.com
“[to Peter] When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless.”— Mike Barker, Matt Weitzman, David Zuckerman, Seth MacFarlane, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Peter Griffin: This party couldn't be better if Jesus was here. Jesus: For my next miracle, I will turn water... into FUNK.”— Danny Smith, Seth MacFarlane, David Zuckerman, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane. Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli! Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers!”— Seth MacFarlane, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com
“Hold on let me look in my bag and see if I can find a fuck I give.”— Willam Belli, gayonabudget.tumblr.com